Heart's Desire (Completed)

Chapter 16: House Problems

"Ric, I..." I am lost for words. I know what to say, but I don't know how to say it.

I'm not in love with you.

"Listen," he comes closer, taking my hands into his once more, "you don't have to answer immediately. Just... think about it. Think about this possibility for a while. I'm sure you will see it is the right thing to do. For us. For our family."

I feel trapped. I feel like there is no way out of this, but to say it bluntly.

"Ric... I don't need time. I... love him." I said it. It feels so... freeing! "I love Klaus!"

He looks at me in shock. "Love? You barely even know the guy."

How do I explain this? "It's one of those things. When you know - you know. He is the one. He's always been the one. And regardless of how much I hate myself for it, and how much I've tried to ignore it... the fact remains that I can't get him out of my head."

Alaric's eyes reflect immense pain. But he only nods shortly. "Then I have nothing to say. Besides I wish you luck."

I glance down at my feet, ashamed for being so happy regardless of his hurt.

"But I can't do this anymore," he says determinedly.

He has my attention.

"I can't live in this house with you and our children, pretending we're a family. When it obvious, now more than ever, that we can never be what I desire us to be."

A tear drops down my cheek. "Ric..."

He nods shortly and then leaves upstairs.

I won't let him.

I hurry after him, following him into his bedroom.

"What are you doing?"

I ignore his question. I realize I've never been into his room and see things for what they are. I glance at the bedside and there's our family photo. I glance at the cabinet, and there are another two. On the walls, the girls trophies are hanging. Their swimming diploma, French diploma, all their little accomplishments.

More tears gather and as I see his face, I notice he is tearing up as well.

What was I thinking?

We are a family. We've been a family for so long. I can't just throw that away. I can't break us apart. The kids would be devastated. What did he even mean by leaving? Leaving here? Leaving the living premise, or leaving school altogether?

Whatever it is, I can't make that happen. What will I do without him? What will the kids do?

Caroline, stop. Don't do anything stupid. My inner voice tells me. But she knows as well as I do that I never listen to inner voices.

"You can't leave," I say and take two determined steps toward Alaric, take hid head between my hands and lay a passionate kiss onto his mouth.

He is shocked at first. Soon, he accepts it and kisses me back. His hand trails to the small of my back and we are on the edge of the bed before we know it. He lays over me and kisses my neck as I moan.

Then he stops abruptly. "No. Not like this." And swiftly walks out of the room.