Love Is A Weapon

Chapter One . . . Homecoming

He’s coming home! .  .  . ? I can’t allow myself to get feelings for him again. Not after Jake left me. I’m not ready for his presence, not yet. I’m just not sure how I’m supposed to react when I see him. Am I supposed to kiss him? Hug him? Or just give him the handshake?

    I ran my fingers against the wooden table and pressed the chair backwards so I could be able to get up of my chair. I started walking toward the fridge, but stopped as I stepped upon a button. The button was . . . his . . . I just never dared to pick it up after he’d left me behind. I remembered the button from the day that I ripped up his shirt, I pushed him against the wall and I kissed him passionately. It hurts thinking back on the good times we had before he left.

    I just keep staring at the button that’s lying there. I close my eyes and crawl my fingers together before I chose to pick the button up. I looked at it and read it’s label “Louis Vuitton”. He always wore the best of clothing. I’m so afraid . . . I just hope he hasn’t changed much from then to now.

    Knock Knock . . . knock knock. My gaze turned straight at the door that now opened. A shadow of a man was standing right in front of me.

    “Jake…” I smiled, probably looking like an idiot. He smiled back at me and then he closed the door. He had two bags in his hands and a phone in the other one.

    “Food? I hope you’re hungry, cause I’m starving”

    “ehm, sure” I just keep looking for words to say. I can’t believe that he’s standing right in front of me. The man I loved so much that I could kill myself only to keep alive.

    He walked into the kitchen in my apartment and placed the bags on top of the table. He took out some takeaway cartons from the bags. Then he took out two Starbucks cups.

    “I hope you like gingerbread coffee . . . I didn’t know what to get to eat, but I chose sushi since I remembered you took me to this china place” he laughed, which of course made me laugh.

   “I haven’t had that coffee yet, but I bet it’s lovely” I went into the kitchen and took a seat on the other side of the table. Jake hadn’t changed much since last, except his hair. I really liked his new haircut. He had skinned his hair on both sides, but kept the length on top. His hair was drawn backwards, which gave him an elegant look. His clothing was as exquisite as I remembered it always had been. He wore Gucci shorts, with a really beautiful V-neck shirt by Louis Vuitton. He had placed his pilot glasses in his V-neck.

   “What are you wondering about?” he asked.

   “What do you mean?”

   “You look hypnotized, like you always look when you’re thinking about something”

   “Oh, I just admired your new hairstyle” His face lit up, smiling at me. I couldn’t take my eyes off his dreamy blue eyes. I could probably swim in them.

    Jake placed sushi on plates that he took out of the cabinet. He filled two cups with water and put them onto next to the plates before he sat down. He handled me two chopsticks before he started eating.

    “So how’s your year been?” he asked. Putting soya sauce on his food.

    “It’s been depressing . . . “ I looked at the five sushi-pieces on the plate and dipped a piece in Soya, before putting it in my mouth. It tasted dreadful, but I tried to keep my face. I swallowed smiling at him.

    “Why did you leave me Jake? I don’t understand!”

    “Do you mind us talking about this later?” He asked stiffened as he put another piece of sushi in his mouth.

    “Sure, but I need answers! I . . .”

    “And you’ll get them, but not now!” he interrupted.

    It was a long silence after that. We ate the rest of the food and he opened a wine bottle. We drank a couple of glasses and watched some TV. I really couldn’t concentrate on what was on TV. I just kept studying him, looking at his brown chest hair popping up of his shirt. I kept imagining him all naked in my bed. It’s been such a long time since I’ve felt him against my body. OH GAWD . . . I hate that I can’t control my feelings.

    “Can we talk now?” I asked in a sarcastic voice.

    “Can’t we just spend this evening here relaxing, before I burst out with horror?”

    “Sure, I can just wait yet another day, where you’ll tell me exactly the same and I’ll end up depressed and kill myself. How do you like that?” I said angrily. I can’t believe that he thinks that he can just come here and live with me like there’s nothing wrong.  

    “I’m sorry hon, but I don’t feel like talking about it now.” His calm voice went on my nerves and I shrunk my voice not to scream.

    “Please don’t call me hon, I’m not your hon. At least not when you won’t tell me the truth”

    “Please! …  I beg of you! I need this night to get myself back to tell you the truth!” his voice had a sad tone to it. I’ve never heard his voice like that.

    “I can’t believe you only think about yourself. I have been crying for a year, with a huge loss of sleep. Everyday trying to forget you, then you just suddenly come home . . . on my door asking for a happy evening!”

    “Of course not. I’m thinking about you, that’s why I’m here in the first place!” I could feel the rage rise in the middle of my chest as I screamed out at him.

    “GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY APARTMENT!” His expression turned into tears as he touched my chin. I took his hand and threw it away. I’ve never been angrier on a person in my whole life. How could he just show up like this and think that I would be a welcoming committee.

   “DIDN’T YOU GET IT?” I screamed at him.He nodded before he tried to touch my chin again.

   “HANDS OFF!”

   “I’m sorry for upsetting you, but I don’t know how to put this” he was now breathing heavier before his mouth opened.

    “You’re changing”

    “WHAT?” I screamed thinking it was all bullshit.

    “It’s complicated” his eyes filled with tears and I realized this was not a good sign . . . Not at all!