September 4, 2017, a day which I could never forget.
Honestly, this is the day I've been waiting for almost 2 years now. The day you are finally unbounded by another's arm. The day that I can finally ask you and show you what I really feel inside. For almost 2 years of thinking the same way, I never knew that somehow at some point it had changed.
Back when I confessed to you via a poem I wrote on June 4, 2017, it was at that moment I decided to slowly let go of you. Not because I don't like you anymore but because it is the right thing to do. I embraced the pain and sorrow. You can only imagine the loneliness I felt inside hidden in those bright smiles you see everyday when we meet in class. I could remember saying "I would never leave your side that I'll be with you always" but its the opposite of what I'm actually doing and I'm sorry for that.
As time passed by, I can slowly feel it waiver but whenever I see you it regains its strength that sometimes I barely managed to fight it. There are many girls out there which passed my standards but you know what, I could not even bare to flirt with them because you suddenly popped on my mind. It made me guilty and I feel disloyalty on my part when there is even nothing between us. It seems like I'm living on an illusion. An illusion that I like more than reality.
Months passed, it seems I am making it. I could finally grasped reality and escape from that illusion dungeon. Suddenly on the 4th of September, with our friends you informed me of your recent break-up with your boyfriend and your new suitor. Upon hearing it first, I suddenly felt jealous and at the same time confused. I never knew the real reason why you broke up and I'd like to know that but it was not really the time to discuss about it. The thought of a new suitor hit me real bad. I really felt jealous of thinking that he is in a really good spot being your board mate and all. Aside from that, I heard many things about the both you, things I wished I dared not ask. I was troubled. I could feel my mind beating. I was almost propelled to make a deliberate action but I didn't. Why? because I don't really know what to do.
Honestly, I am afraid not of rejection but of the consequences of my action because of the thought that we could only be hurting each other in the end. While the thought "Di man ko ganahan ug classmate". It hurts. 2 years bound or unbound yet hope is lost.
Thankfully, I was blessed with really good people. When I consulted my parents about it. They offered me the very first heart to heart advice of my whole life from them and I thank you for that. Why? because this would not have happened if it weren't for you. Thank you :-)
