My Place, My Fate (Book 1: Fate Series)

Chapter 16

"Where you used to be, there is a hole in the world, which I find myself constantly walking around in the daytime, and falling in at night. I miss you like hell." – Edna St. Vincent Millay

I had snorted at her momentous declaration of our destination. I highly doubt there was a place in this world I was ever going to be safe. The only place that could come close to a safe haven had been my little chunk of heaven where Sophia and I had lived before the big move. Sebastian's pack came a close second. Try as I might, I had come to think of that pack as a home of sorts. Sully pack members and all, they had grown on me. Still, I had not told Lucy about Sebastian or his pack.

Her idea of somewhere safe was, for intents and purposes, a mystery. Lucy had maintained a tight lid on our destination. I had effectively given up trying to pry information out of her well into our second day on the road. I was sore, my ass was numb, and my saneness was slowly being tested the more I was confined in the small vehicle.

It was not the same car we had made our great escape in. We had stopped in the outskirts of the Shadowman's pack and switched cars. We switched cars again two towns over and again four towns after that. The precision with which Lucy ensured our safety was enough make me believe she had been planning this for a while. That we were not simply working off of some hastily worked out plan, but a plan that had been well thought out for the better part of a while. I was impressed. As wretched as I felt, I was in awe of her.

The journey however was taking a toll on me. I had taken to retching at least twice a day, with each bout seemingly worse than the previous one. The first time it had happened I had been sure I had left a piece of my intestines behind that dying oak tree; with each bout after that as if some part of me was being drained each time. I was hot, clammy and shivery.

According to Lucy, I was experiencing withdrawal from the colloidal suspension. With the lack of frequent shots, my body was forced to fight off the silver on its own. Great! Had been my first thought. With the amount of shaking I was experiencing, we had easily adapted a credible alibi of her being my concerned sister, and me the errant sibling who ditched class to smoke pot and cigarettes.

Once again I was different. I could not bring myself to care this time. I was not pitied. No one felt sorry for me. In these strangers' eye's I was the villain. The bad one. I had taken their revulsion, and disgust and worn it like a badge of honour. In those moments I was not reminded of my loss and sorrow. I was not reminded of how much I was lacking.

The night's had been another matter altogether. The incessant nightmares had not seen to give me peace. I would stay awake for as long as my body could handle before knocking out. The dreams would then pounce. Each unforgiving than the previous one causing me to wake up a few short hours later drenched in sweat and a scream on my lips. Lucy had become accustomed to the pattern though, having spent a good portion of her time with me in the infirmary.

She had taken it all in stride. Supplemented my caffeine addiction with no qualms, and never sought to have the painful 'do you want to talk about it' moment. She would simply offer me a glance before shifting her eyes back to the road. That was the extent of our conversations. No deep conversations were sought, or mindless chatter initiated to fill up the silence.

We both had far important things to mull over. We were not exactly living what anyone would call 'a dream'. With us being on the run- me twice over no less- and her from her pack. Her family. I could understand what she was going through. The pain of cutting ties with your pack. The aftershock of your new status- rogue- and the burdening thought of never being completely safe from your pack.