NAMELESS

DAY EIGHT

I am falling. The man with the brown eyes is reaching for me but he cannot catch me. He cannot save me.

I am awake. His kind, brown eyes seem to be haunting me. I want to see him.

I sit up. He found me once. Today I will find him.

I stand. Nothing will stop me.

I take a few steps. The black clouds roll in. No. I banish them. They will not take me today.

The man in the portrait seems to be smiling at me, encouraging me forward.

I open my door. The sound of my heavy breathing seems to echo off the white walls. I will not be stopped.

The first woman appears. She looks very startled.

"Oh dear!" She exclaims. "What are you doing?"

Great question, lady. How about I just answer that with my voice that works. I roll my eyes. Fool.

I press my hand against the wall for stability.

"Let me help you!" She reaches for me. She withdraws.

I pause. She just reached for me. Surely she would not have this impulse if she wasn't sometimes able to use it. She must know a place where physical contact is possible.

"What are you doing?" She repeats.

How can I answer this question? Can she see my thoughts? Is that possible?

I look into her eyes intently.

I'm going to see the man with the brown eyes.

Nothing.

Can I show her?

I walk back to my room. The first woman follows.

I show her my room. The man with the brown eyes was here. She doesn't get it. The man. I point to the man in the picture.

"Oh! Him!" She seems to understand. "Yes! He can't wait to meet you!"

What? What is she talking about?

"Yes. He is an excellent man." She says, admiring the portrait. "You are very lucky."

No. I don't care about the man in the picture.

I shake my head and point to the door. Please. Understand me.

My heart is pounding. It's hard to breathe. The dark clouds roll in. I lean against the wall. I slide down. I need to catch my breath.

"Don't worry." She is trying to be reassuring. "I am sure you will meet him soon."

She doesn't understand. Now I just want her to leave me alone.

"Come on. I'll go get your chair."

I hate this woman. She doesn't understand at all. I want to see the man with the brown eyes. I want to walk. I want to talk. I want to be able to look after myself.

I'm so tired.

She returns with the chair. I can't walk any more today. Maybe I'll just take the chair.

I turn right at the hallway. The man with the brown eyes changed the room by pressing his hand to the wall. I examine the wall.

"Can I help you with something?" A voice behind me. The first man.

I point to the wall where the man with brown eyes should be.

"Oh yes. He isn't here today. Maybe he'll be back tomorrow." He smiles reassuringly.

Where is he? Tell me where he is! I look at him expectantly.

"Here. Let me show you to your place."

I don't want to go to my place! I want to find the man with the brown eyes! I point insistently at the place where he should be. Please! Show me where he is!

"Oh. You want to see him."

Yes! Yes! I want to see him!

"I may be able to help you there."

Yes! Show me where he is!

"Follow me."

He walks down the hallway. I follow. We arrive at my door.

Is this some kind of trick?

He presses his hand to the wall. He knocks on the door.

Is he making fun of me?

He opens the door. This is not my room. What is this place? He ushers me in.

I am afraid. Do I want to enter? Yes. Of course I want enter. I push forward.

This room is completely white. There are no portraits or cabinets. Just a mirror. And a bed.

Brown eyes meet mine. There he is. He smiles weakly and raises his burnt arm. He winces. He has certainly suffered more than I.

I approach his bed. This happened because of me. He was trying to show me why he couldn't help me.

I look into his eyes. I am so sorry. He smiles at me. I smile back.

Who is this man? Why do I care about him so much? I must have known him before. Surely. Who was he to me?

I am so sick of silence. This would be so much easier if we could just talk. Why can't we talk? The staff here seem nice enough. Why won't they let us speak? They say the building doesn't let us speak. What does that mean?

The first man is behind me.

"It's time to go." He says.

I don't want to leave.