What Is Left Unsaid : An Ashley Purdy Love Story

Song On The Radio

ASHLEY'S. POV :

      I wake up to a feeling that something isn't right , and when I reach across the bed , I realize what it is . Tiana was next to me when I went to sleep , but she's not here now . It's still dark , and the clock next to the bed says that it's only 2:40 in the morning .

      I sit up in bed , and see her standing across the room , looking out the window with her head resting on one arm , and I can tell that she hasn't noticed that I'm awake .

      "Hey , babe , you feeling okay ?" , I ask her , and she jumps a bit .

      "Sorry , I didn't mean to startle you ." , I say . 

      "That's okay , I didn't mean to wake you up , Ash . I was just thinking about something , and I couldn't sleep ." , she answers .

      I pat the mattress next to me , and she walks back to the bed and sits down next to me . I put my arm around her shoulders , and ask her , "Do you want to talk about it , hon ? If you do , I'm willing to listen ."

      I feel her tighten up , and she says , "I really can't say that I want to talk about it , but I'm kind of out of options now . I have to get my head into a place that I have a hard time getting to , and somebody's gonna notice that things aren't what they expect soon . Plus it's something that I've been putting off for way too long , for a lot of reasons , and I can't do it anymore ."

      "Tiana , it can't actually be that bad , can it ? Just start at the beginning , I'm listening ."

      "Yeah , I kind of have to go back almost to the beginning for this one ." , she says . "This is something I've only ever talked to four other people in the world about before now , and only two of them are still alive ." 

      "I'm guessing that would be Kelli and Brian ." , I say , and she nods her head . "So who were the other two ?" 

      "Kyle , and his mom . And she only knew because we couldn't get by without telling her ."

      By this time , it almost feels like I'm holding a piece of rebar , she's tensed up so much , so I move closer to her and say , "Just go at your own pace , T , I'm not going anywhere ."

      She lets out a long sigh , and finally says , "The day you left , Rick gave us tickets to go to the movies , so we wouldn't be there when you left . But while we were there , something else happened . That's why we went to your house when we did , I wanted to talk to you , because it seemed like that was the only way I could get anything to make sense . But when we got there , everything just fell apart ." 

      Suddenly , I'm not sure I like the direction this conversation is going . What the hell could happen at a movie that would still bother her this much ?

      When I ask her that question , she finally looks at me , and says ,"It actually happened awhile before that , we just found out about it that day , and none of us quite knew what to think about it ."

      "Babe , just tell me what's wrong ! I can't fix anything if I don't know what the problem is ." , I tell her , and I see tears start running down her face .

      "You can't fix it , Ash ." , she says . "I came to see you that day because when we were gone , we figured out that I was ..." 

      "What , Tiana ?" , I ask , although I have a sinking feeling that I already know the answer .

      "I was pregnant , Ash ." , she says .

      I can't think of anything to say for what feels like an hour , but is probably less than a minute , then I put my finger under her chin , to force her to look at me , and say ,"So you're telling me that I have a kid out there somewhere that has no idea who we are , is that it ?"

     She slowly shakes her head , and says , "No we don't . I couldn't ..."

     Suddenly , it feels like my head is about to explode . She did NOT just say what she just said ! I cut her off , saying , "Excuse the fuck out of me ? Are you sitting there telling me that you just fucking ERASED my kid , without even giving me a chance to have an opinion on the matter ?!"

      "Damn it , that is NOT what I said , Ashley !" , she shouts .

      "Well , that's sure as fuck what it sounded like to me !"

      "And how the hell was anybody supposed to fucking tell you anything , anyway ? Nobody had a clue where the hell you were , let alone how to get in touch with you . That's on you , Ashley , not anybody else !" , she informs me .

      I get up and start throwing on my clothes , and she says , "What the hell are you doing ? We need to finish this !"

      "As far as I'm concerned , we already have ! I'm out of here !" , I inform her , as I grab my keys off the nightstand and move toward the door .

      She just sits on the bed looking at me , and just before I close the door , I hear , "Yeah , I guess you are . Why the hell not , that's what you do best ."

      I get in my car and whip out of the driveway , heading toward home , but I don't feel like just sitting around the damn house rolling all this shit around in my head . So I just start driving , not having anywhere particular in mind to go .

      After a bit , I'm out of the city , driving towards the desert , and I decide to turn on the radio , just to make it stop being so fucking quiet , not really paying attention to what's on . I keep driving for a few minutes , and suddenly , something clicks in my brain . The song that's on is the same one as the tattoo on Tiana's arm . I haven't been able to place it before , but it's the music to the chorus of "Fly To The Angels" , by Slaughter . I pull off to the side of the road to be able to listen more closely when it comes around again .

                           So you've got to fly , fly to the angels 

                           Heaven awaits your heart , 

                            And flowers bloom in your name 

                             You've got to fly , fly to the angels 

                            And all the stars in the sky 

                             Shine in your name 

      I remember hearing the story , that this song was written when Mark Slaughter lost someone he cared about , and I can feel my stomach rolling over .

     No one would have something like this tattooed on their body if it didn't mean something . Shit , she was only fifteen when I took off , did her aunt and uncle make her do it ? Or her mom ? I didn't even let her finish what she was trying to say , I just bailed .

      Maybe that is what I do best .

      What the FUCK did I just do ?!

      I restart the car and turn around , heading back to town , as fast as I can without getting pulled over , but it still seems to take forever . The sun is actually beginning to peek out when I finally turn back onto our street . I shoot right past my house , and head directly over to see Tiana , to let her finish saying whatever she needs to say , and to knock me on my ass if that's what she feels like she needs to do . I can't say I don't deserve it .

      But when I pull into the driveway , her truck is gone , and Brian flings open the front door , giving me a death glare .

      Apparently , he has something to say to me , and I'd bet money that it's not going to be pleasant .