umbrella || pjm

다섯 | 지민

I didn't understand life.

Ever since I was young, all people said to me was, "study hard" and "you should be first in your school".

I didn't have a dream either.

I didn't have a hobby or any kind of interest. I had a slight thought of becoming a police officer, but that dream was crushed by my parents.

All that was trained into my head was studying. All day, all night. Twenty four seven, all three hundred and sixty-five days.

My life was boring. The same thing everyday. No change whatsoever. No interesting fights or drama at school and the quiet and solemn atmosphere at home. It was as if someone had copied and pasted my life every day.

Until I met hyung. Hoseokie-hyung was bright and cheerful, with a passion for dancing. We became friends quickly, and he dragged me to his dance practices every day. Eventually, I started dancing too.

Although our styles were quite different, we taught each other. At least, we tried.

Ever since hyung and dance entered my life, I became happier. My grades weren't as good as before, and got scolded day by day. I didn't mind though. I was happy.

Middle school passed by swiftly. Then came high school. It was same. My grades were the same. Decent. Not top student or the last one. Normal. Average.

By then, my parents had stopped bugging me about my grades. They seemed to given up entirely.

"You know what Jimin-ah." Mom had begun one day with a tired smile. "I'd rather see you happy with average grades than see you unhappy and stressed with top grades."

From that point on, I felt free. High school came and went, and I went to college. Not one of those high-class ones, but one that mainly focused on dancing. It was a relief that Hoseokie-hyung was accepted there too.

The four years were filled with bright days, going to nearby orphanages on the weekends with hyung. We taught the kids some simple dance moves, which they seemed to love.

When I finally graduated, I didn't know what to do. I lived with hyung in his apartment until I earned enough money for my own from my part-time job. A while later, I moved back to Busan.

I entered dance competitions just so I could earn the money. Win after win, I earned millions. I was content with my life and donated frequently to organizations.

Three years later, I traveled back to Seoul to see Hoseokie-hyung. By then, he had another dance partner. And that partner was a girl.

It was love at first sight. At least, for me. She had consumed my thoughts. Lee Minji.

But it wasn't like my fantasies would ever happen. Anyone could tell that Hoseokie-hyung and Minji liked each other, and that my one-sided love was doomed.

And yet I still liked her. I tried not to. I tried to erase her from my mind completely.

I failed.

I kept going to their dance practices, torturing myself. I recorded their practices, performances, whatever they did.