Mi Corazon

=Uno=

Sometimes you yourself don't realize how broken you are.

I look back to when I was growing up and although I had a great child hood being raised by my grandparents, my parents were nowhere to be found. Don't get it confused though, this story isn't about them. It's about me and how I learned so much from the man I fell in love with.

I always felt something was missing. When my mom and dad divorced I was only five, I don't recall too much of them. But one thing I can't forget is my dad begging my mom to stay with him. He was on his knees on the paved brick driveway us grandkids had helped my grandpa lay. My dad cried and begged my mom to give him one last chance. She was tired of all the nights she had driven to bars pulling him out and dragging him home. She was tired of the nights she had caught him with other women. She was tired of picking up the underwear random woman left in our car that we found when she was taking me to school. She had finally had enough. She left him and didn't turn back that day. And that's where my story begins.

My dad was a huge part of my life till I was about 11 years old. He came to see me daily at my grandparent's house and brought me McDonald's almost daily he knew how much I loved it. Then he went to Mexico one time and came back with a new baby and new wife. His wife was less than thrilled with me of course. He began to look for me less and less.

My mom was busy trying to find her happiness once again. She couldn't be a mother and much less raise me.

I had no idea who I was for years.

What I did know was that I was strong, closed off and confused with emotions.

I was very guarded on who I trusted. I had learned early on not to fall in love with anyone cause I had seen my mom love many and be hurt and alone at the end of the day. I didn't want that. My dad had taught me that if you have a new family you forget the one you had before. So I made damn sure I didn't fall in love with anyone and be convinced to have sex and have children cause what if I forgot about them? Or didn't love them after a while.

I set my self up to be lonely.

In my journal, I look back and read it now and see how sad I was. I always felt alone even though I had a close set of friends. But I never really connected to them. I kind of just went with the flow.

I would daydream a lot of how things could be. How love could be. But never once allowed myself to experience it. I was too afraid of it and I didn't trust myself to be strong and uphold my beliefs if I fell in love with someone. So toughness became my safety net. But made me lonely as hell too.

Who would have known that I would find someone that would turn my world completely around and show me life in a whole new way? A total unlikely person in my eyes and definitely not the type I thought I liked.