A/n- little advice listen to ' can't help falling in love with you by Elvis Presley'
Kylie
It's been 4 years since joe had passed away.
Some may say out of sight out of mind but not one day goes by where I don't watch one of our home videos, or look through our photos we had together.
Some also may say head up they'll be watching down on you but I think joe will most likely be watching down on our little boy.
He's 4 now.
Riley James joe sugg.
He has before mentioned why he doesn't have a dad but that was when he was just three years old when it was child and Father's Day in school and Alfie had to go instead.
He has saw the photos and knows what he looks like and understands now that "he's up with the angels having a party" as he says and I agree with him.
Going through being a single parent is hard don't get me wrong I love my little precious boy to bits but I won't lie it's been awful, the stress, every time I log in social media still to this day there are people asking what happened.
It gets to me, it still gets to me.
But what gets to me most is that Joe never had the chance to see Riley.
"Mummy, where are my blue shoes?" Riley can run and asked me, we still live in mine and Joes apartment and I plan to not move out any time soon, so many memories in here that I will forever cherish.
"Try under the stairs baby" I said and he walked to the stairs.
"I'm not a baby, mummy I'm a big boy I'm 4" he said and came over to me as he started to attempt to put in his shoes, he could do it but he struggles at first like any other toddler does.
"I know but you are my baby, and always will be" I said and he huffed.
I smiled knowing I'm getting in his nerves.
Watching him as he put in his shoes I always notice how he has a lot of features of joe like his gorgeous blue eyes and his nose, as some say "gosh Kylie, he's the spitting image as his dad". If anything when people say that it doesn't upset me it keeps me going because I know I have a little piece of Joe here with me.
"Mummy I'm ready" Riley says to me as he has finished putting on his shoes.
Today is a nice day and also a Sunday, and Sundays for me and Riley are we go to Joes grave and spend a few hours just cleaning putting fresh flowers down from me and his family if they couldn't make it and today it's just me and Riley.
"Okay, lets go," I said and I picked up the flowers and cleaning supplies and we went out and headed to the car.
~~~~~
We have arrived and Joes grave and must I say we are all proud of how nice and neatly it is all set out for four year in a row because I find it sad how some people hardly bother.
"Can I clean this camera stone?" Riley said and I nodded handing him a wet cloth.
"Be careful" I said.
The camera stone was to obviously represent Joes hobby of YouTube and his passion for it, the camera stone was also a favourite of Riley's and that made me happy.
After cleaning up the grave stone and putting new flowers down me and Riley sat.
"Mummy?" I heard him ask.
"Yes?"
"How old is daddy?"
"He would be nearly 30" I smiled.
"That's very old" he said in amaze.
I laughed at what he said.
"When can daddy come to see me?" He asked.
I never know what to say to these questions.
"Daddy always sees you you just can't see him," I smiled and he nodded.
"Was daddy your best fiend?"
"Indeed he was my love" I smiled proudly.
"I want a best friend but not a girl" Riley said.
I laughed at what he said because kids their age think the other sex is well, yuck.
"You will have a best friend one day" I smiled and he nodded again.
"Mummy, I know what I want for Christmas"
"And what is that?"
"One of those but real" he said pointing to the camera stone.
My heart swelled up making me almost want to cry, he knows Joe used them all the time and has always took Interest.
"That's not a problem maybe santa will bring you one" I say.
"He will" he almost demanded making me chuckle.
"Should we get going it's almost lunch time?" I asked.
"Can we have McDonald's?" Riley asked and I nodded as we haven't had it in weeks.
"Thanks mummy," he smiled and walked ahead of me.
"I'll see you soon Joe, I love you" I smiled and then picked up the rubbish and catches up with my little munchkin.
"I love daddy" I heard him say to himself, I've never heard him say that and it made me happy.
I hope I'm doing Joe proud of looking after our son correctly, I just hope he knows that I miss him and love him dearly.
