Kenney: Still Waters Part 2

Chapter 36

Angel just wouldn't stop crying. No matter what I did, she just wouldn't stop. I looked her over, for the second time, making sure that no one had hurt her and that she wasn't bruised up anywhere, but that wasn't it. She was just...really unhappy. Poor kid. I put her down and looked at the door. I know Jazz heard this shit. She was probably in the kitchen gettin' high again, instead of in here with us being a damn mama.

I picked Angel back up out of her crib and walked her over to the bed. I laid her down on her back and sat down next to her, running a hand slowly across my face. I really wasn't in the mood for this shit today.

"I wish you would talk, gul. Fuck am I supposed to do right now?" I rarely cursed around her, even though she was still young and I knew that chances were she wouldn't repeat anything that I said. But that's just where my mind was right then. I had to hit post in fifteen minutes, and Angel was about to make me late. "Shit, kid." I ran a hand over my face again and shook my head.

This...all this...was too much.

I turned the radio on to calm my nerves, and hopefully hers, too. It was usually real quiet at Jazz's house, unless there was a party going on. But we hadn't had people over in a long time. Not to party, anyway. The only reason anyone ever came over now was for business. These days, though, Rico handled most of what he used to take care of at home, someplace else. Usually now everything got dealt with by one or more of us in the cut, in the workhouse, at the detail shop, or at one of the crackhouses. Depending on what needed to be done. Even Ruby had stopped coming around after a while. Last I heard, Rico was keeping her up in one of the stash houses, but I hadn't seen her. And I didn't want to.

None of us ever watched TV or listened to music anymore. I hadn't seen a movie since I was ten years old. I had no idea what TV shows people were watching, and the only new songs I heard were the ones the OGs bumped in the detail shop, or the slow jams Charity and her friends always acted a fool to. But at Jazz and Rico's, we had none of that. There was just too much concentrating that had to be done to have a whole bunch of extra noise going on in the background.

Angel looked over at the radio for a minute. She knew I was trying to get her quiet.

"Jazz!" I know she heard me. She needed to come get her daughter before Uncle Rico fucked me up for being late.

I looked into Angel's eyes, and suddenly she stopped screaming, but the tears were still there. They were so huge, bigger than her eyes, and I just didn't know what to do with her. I had already fed her, changed her, given her a bath...none of her clothes were too tight. She was barefoot, so I know her feet were good...

I just...didn't know what to do.

We sat there and stared at each other for what seemed like a wrinkle in time. Then I picked her up and danced her around the room. She wrapped her little arms around my neck, but she still looked so sad. Sad enough to die. I just wished that she would tell me what was wrong. Angel knew a few words by then. She could talk, enough to tell me what she needed, but she just...wouldn't. The girl never talked when she didn't feel like talking, and that was most of the time.

Stubborn, just like her daddy.

Tevin Campbell came on the radio and I started singing to her. "Tell me what you want me to do...My love is always here for you..." All of a sudden she looked happy. I hadn't sung in years. Probably not since daddy died. Jazz didn't even listen to the radio when she cooked anymore, so music wasn't really...around like it used to be, when things were...different. I sang some more. "Tell me, tell me...what you want me to do, girl. My love is always heeere for you..." This used to be one of Jazz's favorite songs. Angel wiped at her left eye with her tiny hand. I wiped away the tears from her right eye and held her closer.

My baby cousin looked up at me like she didn't belong to anyone in the whole world. That's when it hit me. Angel was my baby. Jazz and Rico may have been her parents, but Angel was mine, and Angel and I had both known that for a long time. I just hadn't ever officially called it, because I had too much else going on. But who the hell else was gonna look out for the girl if not me? Who had been looking out for her so far besides me? That's probably why Jazz put her crib in my room, instead of her own.

I thought about calling for Jazz one more time when I looked at the clock and saw that I had five minutes now to get my disposable ass where I needed to be. The countdown was on, and I hated countdowns. In our business, when time was up...your time could be up. I sighed deeper than I had in a long time and Angel did, too. Jazz was probably on the moon right now. She wasn't thinking about us.

I looked back over at Angel. We were both sick of this shit. It was all over her face, and probably mine, too. I looked into Angel's eyes and finished the song while I laid her back down on the bed and put her tiny shoes and socks on, careful not to ball up her little toes.

"So tell me what you want meee...tooooo....do..."

There was a noise at the door and Angel and I both quickly looked over at the sudden movement. Angel's ears and eyes were always open, just like mine. Jazz was standing there watching us, wiping away tears that she couldn't get under control, but I could tell she was trying.

"Jazz...what's wrong?" I finished tying the baby's shoes and then picked her up and walked towards Jazz.

Shit, now I had to deal with this shit. These females were gonna get me killed.

Jazz just shook her head and wiped her eyes some more. "Just been a long time since I heard you sing, nephew." I nodded. She looked at me, all the way into my eyes, and I knew that she was remembering how we used to sing together in the kitchen. "Remember your daddy?" I nodded again. Of course I did. I would never forget a single thing about him. She nodded, too. "Good. Keep him here."

She pointed to her heart, and I knew that she was telling me on the low not to get so much like Rico that I forgot whose son I really was. I could read Jazz like a book. She was probably feeling bad about teaching me to just do whatever Rico did. Because I did that now. Just about whatever Rico did, I did it, too.

But she was right to tell me to do that.

That's the only way that I had been able to survive on the streets as long as I had. Thinking about Rico, I looked over at the clock again. Three minutes. Rico would fuck me up if I let the youngins change shifts before I got there. I was the only one that they could give the money to.

Jazz watched my face and nodded again. She could read me, too.

"Taking Angel with you?"

"Yeah." I tried to squeeze past her, since she was blocking the door.

"Good." She didn't move out of my way, but grabbed both of us into a great big bear hug.

"Aunt Jazz..." she looked totally sober, but she smelled like crack.

I hated that shit.

"Love my babies." She let us go. "Kenney..." she smiled at me, like there was nothing I could do about it, and held out her hand.

I shook my head, dropped three rocks into her long, slim, outstretched fingers and carried Angel out the door.

I had one minute and seven seconds to make it to my first corner.