Paranoia

Chapter one - Diagnosis

Poised at the brink of a precipice gazing down into the unknown abyss, she couldn't help but feel her insignificance in comparison to the vastness of the universe.It was then without warning she lost her footing, and there was that treacherous feeling of falling, of reaching into the empty void of darkness and finding nothing.She woke up sweat drenched and gasping in a desperate attempt for air, that dream yet again and still she couldn't figure out what exactly it meant. Looking over at the alarm clock she saw it was only seven a.m. Typical, the first day of her summer holidays and she had to wake up this early.

Groaning she got out of bed not daring to even glance out the window for fear of remembering what had happened the previous evening, or had not happened she sternly reminded herself. But she was still taking her usual medication, she shouldn't have felt so fearful so was there the slightest chance that what had happened was real?

Putting it out of her mind for the time being she went downstairs and  wrote a quick note and left it on the kitchen counter for her family (just in case they thought she had been kidnapped or something just as bad, her family was just melodramatic like that) and retrieving her headphones she went out for a jog.

Putting on one of her favourite songs "broken arrow" by the script she soon got into a good rhythm and lost herself in the lyrics of the songs and the relaxing process of jogging. She had forgotten all the events of the night before and now pausing to catch her breath she noticed the incredible beauty of the countryside first thing in the morning. The delicate drops of dew hung from the branches of the blackthorn trees, just beginning to thaw under the early rays of the sun they gave the appearance of holding on to the last breaths of their life. In a way just like she tried to hold on to the slippery surface of her mental health sometimes.

 A hand on her shoulder suddenly caused her to jump in fright and in those few seconds prepare for the worst. "Jeez it's only me, since when did you ever get up early?" a familiar voice greeted her. "Sebastian" she sighed in relief. "The one and only" he grinned cheekily but noticing her worried and haggard face led her over to a nearby bench, "Now what has you so worried, it's our first day of freedom after all and I hate to see you so upset" he said his voice laced with concern. She tried in a desperate attempt to look natural and said: "It's nothing really, I'm just tired that's all". He gave her a knowing look: "You know that I know you better than that Tessa, it wasn't the dream again was it?"

Her face confirmed his question and he put his arm around her in comfort. She had known him her whole life and he had been there for her right from the start when she had been first diagnosed with paranoid schizophrenia, trying to keep anything from him was essentially impossible. It had all been so simple before that terrifying day of her diagnosis and she never understood the true meaning of freedom until it was torn from her grasp.

                                                             Flashback:

Voices, so many voices. Every natural sound was magnified to her ears. She seemed to be lying on a hospital bed but without any recollection of just why. Her parents creased faces swam into view and she could feel the soft pressure of her little brothers hand on hers, she tried to ask what was happening but the words just wouldn't come out. She was dimly aware that her arm was bleeding but this didn't seem important in her confused mind at the time. She just wanted to go home, why was she here? why did she feel so incredibly fatigued as if she had just run a marathon? Not just simply tired but all of a sudden lethargic.

And then everything began turning black as she began to lose consciousness her mind still screaming a thousand questions and then an almost forgotten memory rose to the surface, something about black boots and lilies, white lilies crushed, their petals spiralling in an elegant swirl only to be trampled, into the dirt forgotten and lost.

She woke up some time later in a private hospital room the doctor standing by her bedside. She coughed trying to find her voice: "I don't understand, what happened, why am I here?" The doctor smiled a comforting smile. "All will be explained my dear and you will remember everything at a time your brain is able to handle it" he said and she couldn't help but trust his kind eyes that held her unwavering glance without hesitation.

Her parents came in then with her brother Jeremy and hugged her tightly asking her about a dozen questions all at once but that was her family. Worst case scenario everything. When everyone was seated comfortably in the tiny enclosed room the doctor begun. "I think you are old enough now Tessa to know the brutal and honest truth about your condition." Her condition? she thought still struggling to comprehend that she was actually sick. He continued : "It seems you have an unusual form of "Paranoid Schizophrenia" which is a mental illness you must learn to live with I'm afraid."

His voice though kind was also serious, looking at her parents she knew that they understood this term better than she did. Seeing her confused face the doctor elaborated: "This is an unusual condition and it is puzzling why you show symptoms of it at your current age. Though you are only ten this form of Schizophrenia normally occurs much earlier in childhood and for the moment you are only showing signs of some of the symptoms.

Lifting her tear stained face from her hands Tessa's mother said in a broken voice: What symptoms are normally associated with her...illness?"

"Well..." he began "Signs and symptoms of paranoid schizophrenia may include: Auditory hallucinations, (such as hearing voices) Delusions, such as believing a co-worker wants to poison you, Anxiety, Anger, Emotional distance, Violence, Argumentativeness, Self-important or condescending manner or in really bad cases Suicidal thoughts and behaviour"

Her father uttered a low moan "Oh god, oh god" he repeated over and over.

Don't fear Mr. Winters, your daughter has a very rare case. For the time being she is only showing two of these symptoms. She was clearly disillusioned the other night and as you said she can get quite anxious but so far that is all. If there was nothing else it could be I might almost believe that she is fine but I'm afraid the results don't lie. Every indication is that she does have a form of mental illness but with the right medication and treatments I can promise you in the long run your daughter will be perfectly healthy. Her father nodded and Tessa sitting up in bed could never have imagined how everything could change quite so fast...

                                                                End of flashback

Now sitting on a park bench with one of her best friends Sebastian she told him all of the events of the other night and unlike all the psychiatrists, doctors and her parents he listened with an open mind. She could always count on him, she just wished she could count on her sanity.

A/N: I hope you enjoyed that chapter, the definition of her condition probably wasn't completely accurate but I tried my best to make it clear and plausible anyway. Any votes and comments would make my day, thanks for reading :)