I take in a gasping breath as the cool metal slides across my skin. Blood oozes up from the pale underside of my arm in thin, shaky lines. Pain. That's all I feel, then a wave of warmth rushes over me. Relief. This is how I express my feelings, this is how I perfect my emotionless shell. No one must know of the pain I endure day in and day out. I must stay strong, they must not know the truth. Even if this is wrong, this is what I must do, besides, I can't stop now. This feeling of relief that I get it's what keeps me going on. Without it, I'm not sure how long I would last.
"Get up off that couch now! Where's my dinner you useless pile of scraps?!" Booms a voice that rattles the glass in the windows and sends fear coursing through my veins. Father's home, I better go and help mother. A shaky sigh escapes my lips as I place the knife back in its hiding place and stand up. Quickly tugging my sleeves down I head to the kitchen where my mother is half asleep, reclined against a counter. Dark bags shadow her eyes, her skin is a yellow-gray color and hangs loose on her thin frame. Mother's arms are covered in hundreds of small red dots. She's been using again.
"Mom, why don't you go lay down?" I'll get Father's dinner for him." My monotone voice rings out, causing her to flinch and whip around to face me.
"Took you long enough to get out here." She growls before shuffling off towards her bedroom. No thank you, again. This is how it is in my 'humble abode'. I do what they say and I get yelled at. I guess it's their way of expressing gratitude? Although, I highly doubt that. Silently I make my way to the freezer and grab one of the many T.V. dinners and pop it into the microwave. Three minutes later I grab a fork, the now steaming plastic tray of food, and one of the brown bottles that litter our fridge before making my way to the living room.
"What took you so long?!" Father snarled while yanking everything out of my hands. "Get out of my sight!"
Quickly I scramble from the room and head straight to the bathroom, my safe haven. I slide down onto the cool linoleum floor and gently pull my sleeves up. Pain and then relief.
This is the price I must pay to get to where the grass is greener.
