Scars behind Sleeves • C.H.

0.1

13.9.14.

No one see the truth.

No one knows why I act how I do.

They will never understand.

Stuck in the trap we all call hell.

Though only few bring happiness to my eyes.

I rip my jeans.

Don't care about my makeup.

I dye my hair.

And don't give a fuck

My story begins Friday October 13th the year 1997. Yup that's right I was born on a Friday the 13th. Wait.. too far back...let's try something more modern time.. So the year is 2014 and I'm now 17 I was born with brown hair but it's blue now and turning blonde. I only have 3 things in life my guitar, my vans, and my dreams. An my dreams aren't holding out through the storm in my mind.

While I lay on my bed scrolling through my tumblr feed and with my door shut

playing The Killers- When You Were Young on max volume.

An while in the midst of enjoying my so-far perfect afternoon with no anger, my older sister Carolyn barges in. She yelled at the top of her lungs "what the heck is that? " and I retorted the song title back at her. You see Carolyn is the total opposite from me she wears almost nothing but pink, Lilly Pulitzer, or anything with an expensive label on it. She is bright and colorful and she knows exactly where she belongs and what she wants to accomplish and do with her life.

She always looks good in every picture we take together while I look like a bag of shit. An she always has to tag me in every picture on Facebook and honestly I wish I never existed. Or that I just wasn't related to someone like that.

This is only what goes on at home and if you think that sounds bad then you'll think that school is just pure hell. At my school it's all about your friends and who ya know or how popular you are. Of course for me friends don't come that easily. I only have two friends and I only have 3 classes with the out of 8 periods. So most of the time when the teacher says pair up I usually end up working alone or with another loner who no one wants to be partners with.

An if your not at the top your at the bottom there is no in between, where do you guess I am, you guessed it right the very bottom. At the top is this clan of three girls who are super skinny, with huge boobs, and are all dancers. They only wear Hollister jeans and I have the "honor" if having them in my class that I go to lunch with. Whenever we go you see my teacher waits for us to be completely silent before we go and they have the nerve to tell everyone else to hush when the they're the ones making all the noise.

They are described as really nice, kind hearted girls, lies! Those girl don't give a fuck about anyone outside their circle. An they won't give you a split of attention unless you have food for them in your hand. These horrible girls names happen to be Ryland, Anna, and Tiffany.

So I told them and the girls were shocked but they understood. Mark on the other hand flipped out he started saying "your going straight to hell". Mark never truly liked me like he has Amber and Sophia. An I never really had any problem with it. That was until he said I was going to hell. I responded straight by telling him that I'm dragging him down with me.

I only have two people who know what it's like and they are two of my closest friends and I love them to pieces. Molly and Abby are the most amazing people I have ever met. I may be meeting up with Molly on Saturday at the mall cause I need to get some pins for my wall from Hot Topic. Abby on the other hand had to move to the other side of the state so now it's just me and Molly now.

Now Amber and Sophia are spending more time together without me and I feel really alone now. They had a sleepover last Friday and they didn't let me in on it and it was at Ambers house and her house is just down the street. So I could walk down to her house.

So now besides school, there's church and I probably shouldn't go to youth and to a joining-the-church class and lie to my parents about my beliefs in god. I still remain away from the church service on sundays. I keep my distance from the chapel on a bright and early Sunday morning.

I keep my distance from those who don't want me around. I've been clean for about 2 weeks then I started again last night. The strikes are still fresh on my arms. I wish life didn't have to be this hard. People only see me happy and carefree, when in reality I'm dying on the inside due to all the stead I have on me to appear happy.

I like piercings, tattoos, and punk rock but my family are all college, colors, and no piercings. I don't fit in here I'm all alone. I think I was adopted or switched at birth or something like that.

Only two of my friends have the same opinions I have. An one of them moved away. My friend Michelle finally got her bellybutton piercing she wanted since her birthday. Life's really difficult for me right now I feel like Amber and Sophia are spending more time with each other than with me. I'm drifting into the background while I sit at my desk in the back of the class. I get lost in my thoughts, they laugh at mr, I feel alone. They wouldn't even notice of I was gone.

A.N.

Ok so this is going to be really bad but I rewrite this maybe 4 times so I hope you like it. This is only the beginning..

Julia xx