CATASTROPHES

call it fate, call it karma

ii

my hands touching the desk, i sat there looking at you and somehow i couldn't look away. days pass by and i can't seem to spill these certain words out of my mouth... it seems as though my fears were attacking me and warning me. you sit near me and i can't bear these prying eyes away. you look as if you were meant to break my heart without even noticing. i looked in your direction and we stared into each other in which felt like time stood still.. we both gave off gesturing smiles and i looked away, 'cause if i didn't, you would kill me with those alluring orbs and my whole body would become this natural disaster. these butterflies want to burst out of me so badly, but i can't let them. they have to be stored deep down until there is a signal given and i am somehow comfortable with the thought that you won't hurt me or throw me away like the rest of them have. you'll never know the little things like how i get so nervous being around you that i can't go to sleep at night, can't eat, can't think clearly. you're basically bad for me, but i always end up going back to you in my mind. i can't physically have you in my arms 'cause you're already in somebody else's and the thought of us losing this hunger for connection, between us, would destroy me completely. it probably already has.

i talk about you to the people that surround me, as if you were a god, and it seems like you are 'cause you have this power over me that you're not even aware of and it kills me not telling you how i feel about you. in some way, i sense you're playing with me like i'm your puppet, watching my every move and how i crumble when you give me the slightest smile. if all goes well, i don't want to be your friend anymore... i want to be more than that.

with all regrets of writing this...

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i wrote this during a time period in which i liked someone who i deeply cared for.