Just Anthor Random Book ( ՞ਊ՞)

Emotions

So alot of people say, "oh you dont smile that much" and i dont really mind that but when my mom got me a shirt that said "smile its almost friday" it all came down. I would usally wear that shirt thursday and everytime someone saw me wearing it the first thing that would come out of there mouth is "But you rarely smile!" And that is true but now, everyone is asking me questions about my emotions and i really dont like it.
At first it was "oh but you dont smile that much"
Then it was "but you dont really have any diffrent facial expressions"
And now its "are you ever sad or mad or happy?"
And shocker i have emotions 'woah you have emotions even though everyone does but you have them!?!?' Note the sarcasm
Now now, i do have emotions, heck i cried infront of people when i was in the hall beacause my stomach hurt really badly and it hurt alot.
(Sadness)
And during P.E usally we sit down and we have a 'quiet time' because we come in loud alot, and usally i sit there with a annoyed, straight face, but when we go outside im laughing with my friend.
(Stern, happiness)
And once my locker wouldnt open and i got really angry and i punched it super hard, and sometimes when i get super mad i start breaking down and thats exaclly what i did, i cried, again and on the next day, my friend opened my locker and i was happy again. (Anger, sadness, happyness)
And at lunch i saw my friend eating green beans and i hate green beans.
(Disgust)
And every friday in socail studys we have to do a current event about what has hapenned over the week and it was my turn to present mine and my face was so red
(Embarasment)
In math i was taking the math test and there was something i didnt know the answer to
(Confusion)
See? I have emotions! The reason i dont show them is because i already think im weak and showing emotions will make it worse and people will use me, hurt me, break me, shatter me, and that brings me down and the only thing that will make me feel better is..... being with online friends, i dont know why but when im on wattpad and im online with you guys, i feel home, i feel like people here will treat me normally.
And thats why its hard, its hard for me to do anything, because listening to a sad song, i get sad and cry.
Or something dosnt work right, i get mad.
Or my friend gives me extra lunch, i get happy.
Or when my friend eats green beans at lunch, i get grossed out.
Or at P.E when we are in quiet time, i have a stern face.
Or in math when i look at something i dont remeber on the lesson, i get confusied.
I just start going insane when im about to show emotions because, im my head im like "oh no, what if they find out my weakness and they take over my whole life and i lose all my friends"
So thats why i dont show my emotions often, its just so hard when people ask me "do you ever smile" its so hard to answer, you might have questioned about something personal, or something you dont like to talk about, so you must know how hard it is to answer.
Thats all i needed to say, im sorry this got all personal but i really needed to get it off my mind, thank you for taking your time to read this or even caring about me, just thank you, i love you guys
Neko out.