Dismissal Abyss of Black Nothingness.

PROLOGUE

"What have I done?"

"How have I done it?"

Those were the only two questions that were running through my mind as Satan welcomed my company in the bathroom.

He was quite, but he was there.

That bastard was always there.

In the back of my mind I knew this was all his doing, nothing gets fucked up that fast and easily unless he's involved.

"Stop hurting me, please" I whimpered to myself with my index fingers pressed to my forehead, rubbing, as if that was going to stop the unbearable pain in my mind.

Everything was fucked. It wasn't a dream, this was really happening.

It was reality, it was my reality.

Looking myself in the mirror only made it worse.

"You fucked it up. You fucked him up really good.

He doesn't even feel anything for you.

He doesn't even feel at all.

Do you think he ever loved you? What a fool.

He doesn't even care about you. He knows you're hurting and he doesn't even care.

While you're crying do you want know what he's doing?

He is talking to her.

He's making memories.

He is moving on.

He isn't even thinking about you.

He let you go.

You really think you were that important?

What a fucking fool to actually believe in something that was never there.

You humans are all like that.

Weak.

Pathetic.

Too easy to fool.

And like you, so easy to be forgotten and replaced, in no time.

You really think you meant something?

Pitiful. 

"but he said he doesn't feel anything for anyone, he said it more than once, that he isn't with anyon-"

"HE LIED! Are you really that stupid to believe such a thing? You're pathetic! The signs are all in your face and you can't even face them! Such a waste.. look how weak you've become. He feeds off your weakness."

Taking my hands off the sink, backing away from the mirror, till my back reached the wall, sliding down slowly till I sank to the bathroom floor.

"You're not real... get out of my head." I silently said to myself still rubbing my head as I brought it to my knees.

"he wouldn't lie to me like that, not after everything we've been through, he isn't like that, I know him, I love him, you're not real, you're not real, you're not real." I kept repeating to myself, wanting this nightmare to stop, to have never had happened.

"There is that word you humans use again, love. Pathetic. You're really pathetic. You think he wouldn't lie to you? He would lie to protect his new friends from a monster like you. He doesn't even care about you. You think if he cared we would be here? Me and you? Having this conversation? He's probably out now fucking the new-"

Opening my eyes, and standing up so fast I nearly lost my balance for a moment.

"STOP IT!" I screamed to the mirror. "STOP IT! STOP DOING THIS TO ME" my fists were clinched ready at any moment to break the mirror.

"oh I'm not doing anything, I'm telling you the facts that your weak and pathetic self refuse to believe that he is out there with-"

"Stop.." I said halting the voices with defeat in my tone.

"Just stop it. let me go.. let me accept this and move on too, please.. I don't care anymore I just want it to stop.... I'm so tired, please."

The voices only got louder and the tears got thicker, streaming down my face.

"This will forever haunt you. Look what you've done. You ruined him. And now he is seeking comfort in someone else. You're alone. All alone."

Not knowing how I made it out of my bathroom and into my room, the voices never left.

Blurry. Everything was blurry.

Having a hard time breathing wasn't making this any easier and reaching my bed with puffed eyes felt like the end of the world.

Curling up under the duvet I rocked myself to sleep, whimpering from how much the pain in my mind was insufferable. The voices never stop. They never leave you alone. The thoughts consume you and the notion of knowing how worthless you are, how unloved, how lonely you've become, how unimportant only grows bigger. It never stops.

I was so tired.

And then it happened. All at once. It starts with the heart. You feel the blood running through your veins, you feel every blood cell moving in you, and then taking a breath becomes a hard task. It's like a knife was stabbed right in the chest and was currently being twisted, slowly. Taking it's precious time to make you feel every ounce of blood you're losing. Or clotting. Either way, you know you're having a heart attack.

You don't feel the pain after a few seconds and that's when you knows that this is worse. Not feeling. At least the pain means you're still alive. Now you're fading.

 And your body is failing you. With blackness the only colour to be seen, everything stopped and darkness consumed me.