apology.

my best friend

this one goes out to my ex best friend, it still pains me to this day that we left. I forgot how we had met, I recall, it was through mutual friends. at the time you enjoyed paramore and you had gotten me into paramore a while back, we had talked almost every day and you were my go to gall. you even taught me how to use a can opener. I loved you with all my heart and you had seen every side of me. every side, but one. and that one side is what turned you away, made you decide I wasn't good enough and you left. 

this was around the end of this summer, you had recently gotten into bts and we had a mutual friend who we'd always spend time around. after a while of joining the bts fandom you had met your new friend, let's call her "j" and another friend called "y" and I hadn't thought much of these friends but oh was I wrong.

you had started talking to me less and less and our conversations consisted of saying hi and then asking how our days were, and then no more conversation after that. rinse and repeat. I used to go on your page and check your tweets when you wouldn't reply and when I'd saw you @'ed "y" or "j" a bolt of energy came through me. a hint of sadness slowly revealed itself and betrayal washed throughout me.

we had stopped talking all together near when school start, or when your school start. and whenever I would tell my friends they would tell me she was probably busy with school. after weeks of no replys or just getting "hi's" I kinda got fed up. and this is where I went wrong and where I need to apologize. I messaged you out of the blue asking you if we were really friends and if you'd replaced me with y and j. you got extremely offended, and I mean extremely offended. after a while I asked you if you even still wanted me here and that was your breaking point. you had blocked me (unblocked now) but you had blocked me because I pushed too hard and I didn't realize your boundires. I never got to tell you how much I'm sorry, you seem to be having a good life and I hope that it stays like that, with or without me. wherever you are I just want you to be happy.

looking back at it now, it was toxic. especially for me, jealousy was my only emotion and I would break down crying. the lesson learned here is friends can leave and it's alright, it's also aright to miss them because after all they were your friends for a reason. 

mwah lovies 💕