Famous | j.b

five

avalyn sparrow

Justin was persistent. Even with me sorting my life out, he still stayed committed to expressing how much he wanted to be apart of my life. I didn't normally trust people easily, but he was earning my trust. Giving it to him didn't seem as intimidating as I thought it would. But I couldn't help but feel like things were moving faster than I would've liked.

After the Seth situation, I realized I really liked Justin. That reality scared me. He didn't ask me many questions, but was still there for me and had been the entire time. My situation with Seth wasn't black and white and I was happy Justin understood that. He was patient and kind and sometimes I felt undeserving.

The only compromising factor was our schedules which never seemed to work. Whenever I was free I was genuinely exhausted and it was me just sleeping at his home. He seemed content on simply being in my presence in whatever form he could receive it. But lately he was extra busy with some music video. Unlike his other music, he never shared many details but I didn't think much of it. I had other things to worry about.

justin: can i see you today? i miss you

avalyn: i have work at 5, but i'm done all my classes at 2. i can stop by your place in between

justin: yeah i'll be free

I set my phone down then went back to listening to the lecture. After not seeing Justin for a week, the excitement would prevent me from paying any attention. This man had me smiling at the thought of just hugging him.

I glanced back down at my phone when Elena sent me a text message with a link to a music video. I plugged my headphones in then turned my brightness down to watch it.

My jaw dropped and my skin went cold. I knew Justin was filming a music video. But in this video he was practically shooting a soft porno. Seeing his hands all over this half naked girl was a punch to my gut. I never knew I'd become the type of girl that got upset about this, especially given Justin and I weren't in a relationship. But my insecurities revolving men and relationships shifted my head in the wrong direction. Seeing this made me want to backtrack and ruin all the progress Justin and I made.

I stood, grabbing my things as I left the class without even trying to be quiet. I was mad. I couldn't even explain why but I was. Whether he's just acting or not, a heads up would have been appreciated. But since we're not in a relationship, Justin owed me nothing. I had to remind myself he owed me nothing.

"Elena, what is this?" I refrained from breaking down into tears while I called her. My cheeks would freeze their ass off if I cried.

"You tell me. I thought you guys were like...seeing each other?" Elena said and I didn't have an answer. Justin and I didn't talk about what we are. I thought it didn't need to be discussed that we were both interested in each other. I assumed that meant we weren't interested in other people but my assumption was clearly stupid and now I felt incredibly dumb. My mind instinctively blamed myself as I thought of how all of my actions and words might've played a role in this.

"I don't know. We don't talk about that stuff," I looked down at the ground filled with snow. It was sunny today, the sun making the snow glisten. But it didn't make the weather any more tolerable. The cold chill bit through my skin, forcing me to adjust the scarf around my neck.

"That seems like something that needs to be talked about," she raised a valid point, only making my feelings feel even more invalid. Maybe this was my fault. Justin expressed he needed something from me and as much as he could be patient, I couldn't seriously expect him to accept the bare minimum from me.

-

The store was quiet which normally would not bother me. It meant more time for Elena and I to talk at the cash registers. But this time all I could think of was Justin. I was supposed to see him after school but I couldn't stand to see his face and I didn't want to make things a big deal. I needed time to cool off before talking to him or things would go bad.