The Baby Favor

10.

It felt surreal to be back to the cemetery so soon. They all knew this was where they were going to be return, but that just wasn't something Jason had been ready to face.

Today they were seated in a short row of chairs in front of the casket. That made it easier to hold the squirming Luna in his arms. For some reason, holding the baby made him feel grounded. It couldn't hide the ugly reality of the situation from him though. As his gaze strayed from Jay's casket, he noticed the grass hadn't even started to grow over Davids grace. They'd removed the last of the dead flowers from his service to prepare for Jay's final resting place.

A new wreath of white roses was placed behind the newly installed headstone David shared with his wife. All of her information complete aside from the date of her death, a date that Jason would never forget. Up until the lemony they received that call, it had been one of the best days of his life. Since then, everything had fallen apart.

They'd called the airline after getting off the phone and made arrangements to catch the first flight back to LAX. They didn't even bother going back to sleep. Instead, they'd taken showers, packed, and checked out of the hotel in the small hours of the morning.

Michael had said almost nothing since he got the call.

"Jay's dead. I'm sorry, but we need to get back to LA." He had said once he hung up the phone. That was basically it. He'd muttered the occasional inconsequential thing about packing and spoken briefly to the TSA agents at the airport, but Jason was suddenly invisible.

At least that was how he felt. He wanted to hug him. To say he was sorry about Jay. But Michael wouldn't make eye contact long enough to engage him in any kind of serious conversation. After they got back home, things weren't much better. He immediately threw himself into dealing with Jay's funeral arrangements. He met with Jay's estate attorneys and busied himself with paperwork for Luna's adoption.

Jason tried noto to notice that he never once mentions him adapting Luna. He wasn't sure if that indicated a change in how Michael felt about their relationship or not. What he did know was that it felt like before. Like the months leading up to their separation. The warm, affectionate Michael seemed to have vanished with that phone call. He hadn't touched Jason. Some nights, he hadn't even come upstairs to go to bed.

This morning, like the night before, he'd woken up to a cold, prescribe space beside him in the bed. It was amazing how quickly he'd gotten used to having Michael back there. It was where he belonged. Jason just wasn't sure if he felt the same way any longer.

He'd held his tongue so far. He understood that Michael would need time and space to grieve. His younger sister had been his best friend. That didn't mean he wasn't worried. If Michael retreated too far into himself, if he didn't lean on Jason for support the way a husband should lean on their husband/wife.....he worried that Michael's as going to run.

Michael had sworn he wouldn't run again. He said he wanted Jason, that he wanted this. But Jay's death was their first real test, and a serious one at that. If his instinct was to flee from the reality of losing his sister, Michael might be several miles down the road before he realized that he was doing it again.

It felt like running. As Jason turned to look at Michael, he was like a stone statue. No emotion, no movement. He hadn't seen him cry a single time since he got the call about his sister. He'd instantly form into 'handle it' mode. Jason wishes he would cry. Then he could feel like comforting him wasn't a misplaced gesture. He was sitting a mere inches away from Jason, but it felt like he was losing him all over again bad Jason didn't know what to do.