Sometimes you have to break down to break through.
You may come across a lot of people in your life who may end up giving a whole new meaning to your life. It is not supposed to be positive every time. Some may destroy you to the point of no return...
Seven months and not a even a single night was spent without crying off to sleep. It was not something which was my loss but something, which made me loose myself.
I had always elapsed my days thinking only about how , when and most importantly why did it happen. I was never a girl who could be slapped or duped so easily. I was never someone who could be replaced in any of the relationships.
Days passed by, and all I can think of was why did it happen with me? Was I that bad? Was I so unlovable? Or Was I not worth him? Shattered were my heart pieces and with every dusk I always felt as if I'm doing drugs to kill myself slowly. The pain, the suffering, the brokenness was too much for me to bear as I was never the girl to be duped on. My world moreover my vision was all completely dark. I was always a happy and cheerful girl who whatsoever happens would always laugh to the fullest. My smile began to fade. My laughter was slaughtered. My world was only me. I had friends, I had people but still I had no one.
" I think- I think when it's all over It comes back in flashes, you know? It's like a kaleidoscope of memories. It's just- all comes, but he never does. I think, a part of me knew the second I saw him that THIS WOULD HAPPEN! It's not really anything he said or anything goes he did; it's the feeling that came along. And the crazy thing is if I'm ever gonna feel that way again. Actually I don't know if I should. I knew his world moved too fast and burnt- TOO BRIGHT. But I just thought, how can the devil be passing YOU, towards someone who likes an angel when he smiles at you! ? Maybe he knew that when he saw me, I guess I just my balance. The worst part of it wasn't loosing him It was- LOOSING ME. "
I was completely drained and lost all the hope if anyone could ever love me. I always started thinking MYSELF as bad. All I thought was - "No one would ever love me the way he did, even if he faked it, he faked it so well." My thoughts were just caged to hate myself as I thought that I ain't worth anyone. I was in the verge of giving up everything but then like the hindi saying goes-
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Meaning- Have patience dear, fragile is your time but not you.
I had no one to whom I can cry my heart loud. It was my pen who has known every pain of mine. My pen has also shed tears with me. My pen has felt me when no one did. All I wanted then was someone to hear me. Someone who can patiently listen to me. No advices no explanation, just listen.
But then I was really oblivious what life would give me in its next stage.
