Blush

Chapter 17

"Mummy?" I asked, while my mum looked up from chopping carrots. ;)

"Yes, honey?"

"Who's coming over for Christmas this year?"

Every year my mum cooked a full feast and invited a bunch of people over for Christmas. Most of the time there would be leftovers and the next day we would go out and give it to homeless people in the city, since it was Christmas the day before.

"I was thinking we could invite Zayn and the other boys." she said. 

"Wouldn't we have to invite their families too?" I asked curious. "I mean, being away from them so long, they would probably like to spend it with each other, right?"

"Yes, of course. I'll have to ask Trisha about that, but for now that's what I'm thinking about doing." she decided

I sighed. My mum finished cutting the carrot and pushed it off of the cutting board and into the pot, with the rest of the vegetables.

"Go wash up for supper." she commanded.

"Dinner!" I groaned.

I never understood why my mum called dinner supper, or why I had to be showered to eat. Just give me my food.

"I say what I want. Now, go." she said sternly.

I walked up the stairs and into my room.

I stripped out of my clothes, grabbed my towel, and headed into the bathroom. 

While I waited for the water to heat up, I looked down at my wrists, remembering how my scars were formed.

*Flashback*

"How are we going to pay these bills if you lost your job?!" I heard my mum yell from downstairs. Most likely at my dad.

He had just lost his job yesterday and we got a bunch of bills today.

"I don't control what happens Amanda!" I heard my dad.

Suddenly a door slammed making my DREAM sign fall off of my shelf on the wall.

I came out of my room and went to my brother's instead.

"What do you want?" he asked in a grumpy mood, giving me a disgusted look.

"Mum and dad are fighting again." I said with a frown.

He got up from his laying position on the bed and yelled, "Well what do you want me to do?! I can't just go poof and make them stop!"

I flinched, but that didn't stop him from continuing.

"Just get out of my room and leave me alone. Go back to doing whatever stupid little girls do."

I ran out of his room without closing the door. I got to my room slamming my door, starting to sob quietly.

I always had thoughts of suicide and self harm, but never went all the way because Zayn would always teach me out of it. But Zayn wasn't here now.

I looked in the mirror and named every flaw other people saw, then, named every flaw I saw.

Each time I named one, I got closer and closer to my desk, where my sharpener was.

I felt my back hit the desk and I grabbed a pen.

I took the cap off, sobbing harder.

I started writing my flaws on my left wrist up my arm onto the inside of my elbow.

FAT, UGLY, WORTHLESS, NOBODY LIKE YOU, YOU DO EVERYTHING WRONG.

I threw the pen back on my desk without putting the cap back on.

I grabbed my sharpener and smashed it until the blade came out. When it did, I wiped it on my pants and put it close to my wrist, right above FAT. I couldn't take it anymore. So many things were happening. So much pressure on me to be a good student, a good role model, but I never exceeded, so I got punished.

I closed my eyes and slid the blade over the writing, I winced and opened my eyes.

I continued until I had ten forming scars up my arm.

*Flashback Ends*

"Ariana! The water!" I heard my dad yell, making me snap back into reality.

"Dammit." I muttered under my breath, when I realized I had been standing butt naked in front of the mirror for about 10 minutes.

I let my hair out of the ponytail it was in and got into the shower.

I let the water run over my body for a few moments before grabbing the shampoo and squirting some onto my hand. I rubbed it onto my hair and scrubbed. I did the same with with my body.

When I was finished I grabbed my red towel and wrapped it around my body. I let my hair fall on my back over the towel and in the front.

I pulled the curtain in my bathroom over and grabbed a smaller peach colored towel to wrap around my hair and did so.

I walked into my room and grabbed my phone, which was charging.

I checked Instagram and Twitter, while I let my body air dry. 

After about 10 minutes it was 7:49, so I decided to get dressed. I unfolded my pyjamas that were laying on my pillow from this morning. I unwrapped the towel from my body and put on my underwear and bra, along with my clothes, struggling when I put my shirt on because of the towel over my head.

I walked up to my mirror and dresser, still looking red from my shower, and took my hair out of the towel. I threw the towel on my bed and scrunched my hair up a little bit.

 I grabbed my mousse and put some in my hand. I pressed my hands together to get the mousse on both hands and scrunched my hair again

I decided to let it air dry after that and started going downstairs.

I heard some different voices and when I got downstairs I found what I did not expect.

My brown eyes met green ones and I looked down, embarrassed. 

I was standing in my pyjamas in front of the one and only Harry Styles.

___________________________________________________________

A/N: Oh my... Where do I start? It's been soooo long since I uploaded an actual chapter. I'm soooo sorry!! I decided that in order for me to actually write a decent chapter, I have to write when I get bored at school. I guess this is pretty long. At least in comparison to the crappy excuses for chapters I usually write. Alsooo, thank you so much for 500+ reads (I think)!!! That means a lot!! I have also started a new story. It's a bit intense and about self harming sorta. If you don't like to read about that, then it's okay. Don't read it. I'm not going to officially start it until a little further on. Maybe in the summer, depending on where I am with Blush. I added a bit of her self harming past into this and I don't know why, but I always have to add that into my stories. So, sorry about that. I understand if you do not want to keep reading now. Anyways, just sorry and thank you.

   -A