Because of the Accident (Book 1)

Chapter 8

I started to softly bang my head against the wall, the rhythm echoing my inner turmoil. It was a release of sorts, a futile attempt to make sense of the storm brewing inside me. Lia came over to me, setting Miracle back in her crib, her movements careful and deliberate. The soft creak of the crib made my heart ache, reminding me of the responsibility that weighed heavily on my shoulders.

"Floyd... please talk to me," she said gently, her voice breaking through the haze of my thoughts.

I hesitated for a moment. This wasn't Lia's problem—it was mine. "I don't want to burden you... I've already told you more than I even expected." My voice was strained with frustration and guilt, each word laced with a sorrow I felt deep in my bones.

Lia's face dropped at my words, but then it softened. She shifted beside me, placing her hand on my shoulder, a grounding presence in my whirlwind of emotions. "You can talk to me about anything. I'm here to listen."

Something about the way Lia comforted me made it impossible to hold everything in. I had been fighting the weight of my grief alone for so long, but now it was all crashing down. The urge to share my pain overwhelmed me, and I could feel the walls I had built around my heart beginning to crumble.

"Autumn's funeral is coming up, and I don't have enough money for it," I murmured, laying my head back against the wall, my breath hitching as I spoke. "Her life insurance covered almost nothing. I don't know what I'm going to do."

Lia frowned, processing the weight of what I was saying. "What about her parents? Can they help with the cost?"

I sighed deeply, running my hand through my hair in frustration. "It's not their responsibility. This is my mess to clean up. Plus, her mom lost her job recently, and father is barely making enough to keep them afloat. They don't have the money to help, and I wouldn't feel right asking. This should be on me—it's all my fault."

Lia turned toward me, a soft smile forming on her lips, but it felt like a thin veil over the reality of our situation.

"You think this is funny?" I snapped, feeling my emotions bubbling to the surface. I stood up to move away, but Lia reached out, gently pressing her hand to my shoulder to stop me.

"No..." she said softly, her voice steady and reassuring. "I'm smiling because I want to help you. You don't have to go through this alone."

I shook my head immediately, my heart racing with defiance. "No, Lia. You're not paying for Autumn's funeral. I deserve this. I killed her, remember?"

The words hung between us, heavy and suffocating. I trailed off, the guilt a palpable entity in the room. I couldn't bring myself to look at her, but Lia placed her hand on my face, gently turning me to meet her gaze. There was something in her eyes—something warm yet desperate. She searched my face as though she could see the weight of the guilt etched into every line and crevice.

"It was a car accident, Floyd. You didn't kill anyone," she stressed, her voice calm but firm. "It wasn't your fault."

"It was my fault," I insisted, pulling away from her touch and looking at the floor, the shame creeping back in. "I was driving the car. I lost control. If I hadn't taken my eyes off the road for that split second..."

"Stop doing this to yourself," Lia urged, stepping closer, her eyes imploring. "You're punishing yourself for something you couldn't control."

I let out a bitter laugh, the sound harsh against the silence of the room. "I can't just pretend like it never happened, Lia. I loved her. I still love her."

She stood there, her eyes full of understanding, and for a moment, I thought she might reach out to comfort me again. "I know you do. But beating yourself up like this... It's not going to bring her back."