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"you:"
It comes out of nowhere.
Before the thought of even responding crosses his mind Namjoon is already opening his mouth and saying the one word that has been bouncing around his head for weeks now.
The word that keeps him up at night and he wishes he had the courage to say. It feels like a weight has been lifted from his shoulder, a sense of calmness being released inside him.
Whatyalookin'at?
Namjoon smiles,
You.
He says it back with heat, just like how cigarette boy used to do when he first asked him.
The crowd of actors stop what they're doing, surprised from hearing this new word leave his lips. But stage boy just moves forward and sticks his chin out, his eyes dancing in the twilight.
Namjoon's chest burns up, his heart and everything that makes him is glowing in a brilliant fire like the embers that fall from his cigarette.
He stands there waiting for the response and sticks his own chin out. Challenging him to say something back.
Cigarette boy steps forward, his eyes and face expressionless.
What was that?
He wants to hear it again, wants to confirm that his ears heard right and Namjoon just said,
You.
He takes a long and cool drag from his cigarette, completely baffled at hearing Namjoon speak up and no longer hide.
He eyes him up and down in that usual way that Namjoon has become use to; a slow, wondrous, dull stare. Namjoon stands up taller, showing off his "cardboard" legs they called, puffing his chest out and daring for cigarette boy to cross the line and step into his world.
And slowly, bit by bit, a beautiful large grin blossoms over his lips and it turns into a real smile. His pink gums giving off an adorable and innocent air, the opposite of who stage boy is.
Namjoon returns the smile, nodding at him and taking one step back. Cigarette boy doesn't return the gesture, and he no longer waves him over to his side of the street. The actors stop their teasing and yelling to join them.
Namjoon doesn't fit in with them, he doesn't belong in stage boy's world. Just like stage boy doesn't fit in with his sabotaging people and driving around town with his two best friends.
They'll never be together, not there on the other side of the street and not at school where they hide like shadows and Namjoon hides with his two best friends.
The sudden heat from before seeps of Namjoon like smoke leaving lips. A tight knot forms in his throat and Namjoon tries to swallow it down, he doesn't want this to be good-bye.
But stage boy just stands there with the music playing and actors watching by the sidelines in sadness. All of them waiting for Namjoon to move on.
Namjoon nods at him again, the smile has left his lips and the burning match inside of his heart has burnt out.
He turns away from him and keeps walking down his side of the street. Feeling the stare of cigarette boy following him until he's turned into a grey speck in the cold night of December.
Namjoon wants to turn back around once more, wants to tell him You again even though he already knows.
I was always lookin'at you.
His words are taken by the wind and blow like the ashes that never truly reach the ground.
The play is over.
