Giant Men and Violent Women

Don't You Dare

PRESLEY ANN

I'm heading downstairs. I'm wearing a smile to prove that I know nothing at all and I wear it proudly as I round the doorway of the kitchen.

Ashley.

Shoulders wide. They are the first things I notice. It's remarkable that, even in the face of fear, a man's shoulders become chicken soup for the soul. Ashley's seated on a stool at the kitchen island, laughing lightly at something Great Aunt said. I'm sure that it wasn't funny because, generally, you laugh at Great Aunt, not with her. From her mannerisms to her casual cluelessness to the constant grooming of her hair to her dressing up like she's still Miss New Hampshire, she's the type of person who has no clue that the fact that she's alive is hilarious.

Minnie is gently smiling at Great Aunt. The friendship between Great Aunt and Minnie is evidence that opposites attract and, like magnets, hold on for dear life. Not even a shared love for the same man can tear these two apart.

Bett is at a counter, preparing to get lunch started. She's turned her back to the others. She is privy to their conversation but not a part of it. Nona has just walked in behind me, and I'm sure she's pretending to dust something.

Minnie is the first person to see me enter the kitchen. My former longtime boyfriend ordered the murder of her spouse of over sixty years, and she knows this. She gives me a warm smile. I don't buy it.

"Well, look who it is," Minnie says.

Great Aunt and Ashley turn to look at the doorway.

"Minnie," I say in greeting. "Morning, Great Aunt." "Hey, shug," Great Aunt says back.

"Hey, honey," Minnie says.

I cut my eyes at Ashley. I will not be saying good morning to him since I've discovered that he is an attempted murderer and a smart-ass. He smiles at me. I don't return it. I might be called Bad Luck, but both Date and Ashley are bad news, and quite honestly, I don't want anything to do with either one of them. This war between them has grown messy. I draw the line at murder. I'd like to raise my white flag with Jewels on my arm, possibly walking down the aisle in a white gown.

"Presley Ann is angry with me," Ashley explains to Minnie and Great Aunt in such a way that it appears my anger is cute. Like a kitten fighting a ball of yarn.

"Well, what did you do now?" Minnie asks.

Besides shooting her ex-boyfriend and leaving him for dead, should have been the rest of her sentence.

"I happened to see her at a bar last night while God was sleeping. And she was there with the senator," Ashley says, as though Jewels is pretending to be one.

"I don't like him," Minnie says on cue.

"Presley Ann does. He and I were talking, and Presley Ann just stood up in the middle of our conversation and dragged him away." "I'm certain that's not how it went," I say.

I walk further into the kitchen and head to the coffee pot, but Bett has beaten me to it and is currently pouring me a cup.

"Morning, Bett."

"Morning," Bett says, handing me the cup. "Vanilla bean, blackberry tarts are on the counter with icing on them, just like you like 'em."

"Thank you."

"Mmhmm."

"So," Minnie says, "you dragged the senator out of the bar because he wasn't tough enough to stand up to Ashley? Oh dear, that's not a good sign.