Just a Kiss

Part Three: Telling Lukas

Part Three: Telling Lukas

Three months later...

I've gone through a number of pregnancy tests over the past three months trying to reassure myself it isn't true but with every test coming back positive I'm starting to give up that it isn't true. I don't know how it is even possible for me to be pregnant to begin with but that's what all the tests show. I've tried every brand out there at every store hoping it would give me a negative but each time it's positive. How could I have gotten pregnant from a kiss? How could I have gotten pregnant period?

My mom did warn me not to kiss anyone until I turned eighteen. She made it very clear that I understood her when she said that I would only get pregnant if a boy kissed me. Well a boy did kiss me, Lukas did at the party but I didn't think anything of it until later. I didn't worry at the moment because guys don't get pregnant girls do. Besides mom told Haley too and I never seen her get pregnant so why would I? What did our mom know that she was hiding from us? Why would she tell us we would get pregnant if we were kissed before we were eighteen? How did she know to mention to me about being kissed by a boy? Was she not lying back then like I thought she was?

I always believed once I started to get older that what our mom told us was just to scare us and wasn't true that is until now. Now I'm starting to freak out because I'm learning it's true. I have plenty of pregnancy tests telling me I'm pregnant. I can also say I experienced morning sickness for the first three months and yesterday when I was at school in class I swear I felt a kick. Now recently as I look down I can see how my abdomen is protruding out just like any other pregnant woman's abdomen. It can't just be my imagination that I'm noticing these things, it can't because it's really happening.

I hurry and grab my loose fitting black hoodie on the floor and put it on to cover my growing waist that I'm not sure I can hide much longer. I don't know what I'm going to do or if I should tell someone. Who would I tell and what could they possibly do?

If I tell my dad I think he would think I was crazy along with everyone else. Even if everyone thought I was crazy but finally found out it was true I would probably be used as a lab rat. I don't know of any other males that can get pregnant or even anyone that can get pregnant from a kiss alone. For now maybe it's best to leave it alone but I should probably tell Lukas. Lukas is the father of the baby I'm carrying and maybe he will know what to do because right now I have no clue.

***

I sit in class trying to pay attention to what the teacher has to say when all I can think about is if I really should tell Lukas. I look over to my right watching him writing down  notes from the board like the teacher said. I look away and pretend to be looking at the board  just when I see him start to look my way. It shouldn't be like this, Lukas and I used to be best friends now we're enemies. Why does everything have to be so complicated? We used to hang out all the time  but he started to like me and things changed. He had to tell me that night at the party that he liked me and I had to break his heart by rejecting him like I did. Would it have been better if I lied and said I liked him back? Would things have been better and he would be by my side right now when I need someone to talk to?

The bell rings before I can think of an answer and I hurry to shove my notebook in my backpack. I look over to the empty desk Lukas was sitting in just a moment ago and I see him heading out the classroom door. It's now or never right? I get up from my desk walking passed all the other students in the class. Not caring about anything except the fact that I have to tell Lukas. I can't keep something like this from him when he should know.

I make my way out of the class and into the hallways and pick up my pace as I spot him ahead of me. I make my way to him and know what I have to do. I open the door of the last classroom  in the hall that I knew would be empty. I grabbed his arm pulling him in behind me. "What's going on?" he asks confused looking at me as I shut the door.

"I need to talk to you its important." I say.

"Talk about what? You made it pretty clear at the party you want nothing to do with me." he replies.

"What are you talking about I never said that?  All I said was that I didn't like you and  I left. I know I shouldn't have done that and I'm sorry I really am." I say.

"I don't need a stupid apology from you Razor. Just leave me alone and everything will be fine." he says and from the tone of his voice I know everything won't be fine.

"What do you want me to say Lukas? I screwed up and I'm sorry because I know I did and I am sorry. We've been friends for a long time I don't want our friendship to end because of this. Anyway I didn't drag you in here to bring up the past. I wanted to tell you something, I need to tell you something." I reply not able to choke out what I need to tell him.

"Tell me what?" he says irritated.

"Lukas I'm pregnant." I say out loud fast to get it over with.

"What?" he asks questioning what I just said like I assumed he would.

"I said I'm pregnant." I say again knowing he isn't going to believe me.

"Razor it's already bad enough that I basically told you I loved you and you left me at the party alone in the room. You practically laughed in my face when you asked if I was joking. I finally had the nerve to tell you after all these years and you just ripped my heart apart and threw it on the ground. Now you're just being cruel to try to talk to me after all this time and tell me something like that. Do you think I'm dumb? Razor we never even had sex and even if we did it wouldn't get you pregnant. We're both guys' razor and last time I checked a guy getting pregnant was impossible. Besides all we did was kiss that's it and I regret it every day." Lukas says with anger in his voice as he starts to walk to the door pulling away from my grip on his arm like I did the night of the party.

"This sounds crazy I know it does but you have to believe me Lukas I'm not making this up. I'm sorry that I hurt you I never meant to you're my best friend but I never liked you in that way. I know I said things I shouldn't and haven't been a great friend since the night at the party and I'm sorry. Will you please forgive me? Lukas I'm more scared than I ever been in my whole life. This is your baby and I have no idea what I should do. I need you in my life right now." I say pleading with my eyes as reach for his right hand and place it on my protruding abdomen hidden under my black hoodie I still have on.

I can see the look in his eyes like he is starting to believe me but it fades away as quickly as it appeared. Now he's looking at me with concern as if I am crazy like I thought. "You need help Razor you really do and I hope you get it because you look like you need it. From now on I don't want anything to do with you in my life ever again. So please Razor leave me alone I don't you as a friend if you're going to act like this. You hurt me once I don't need you to continue to." he says and I watch as his hand moves away and I'm standing in the classroom alone.

Is this how it felt when I left him at the party? Pure abominable sadness because that's what I feel right now. I don't even like Lukas but just him walking away and not believing me it's hurting me more than anything now. I don't know what I was planning on getting from him by telling him I'm pregnant when I knew he wouldn't believe me. Why would anyone believe me it's not scientifically possible?

I guess all I wanted was for him to tell me everything was going to be okay and have him hold me as I cried in his arms like I did when my mom died. I don't have anyone right now to talk to. Yeah I have other friends but none like him, none that have ever truly been there for me. Lukas has always been there but now he's not. He made it very clear he doesn't want to be anymore because he's scared I'll just hurt him again. I wouldn't though and I wish he would understand that. I never wanted to hurt him in the first place but I did and I can't take it back. It's different now though something I never knew could happen happened. I'm pregnant with his baby I know I am there is no other explanation. All I want is for everything to go back to the way it was but I have a feeling that will never happen.