Bleached Out Eyes

Chapter 9 - Curious Cat

The rest of the evening had gone without incident, but Ghoul couldn't help but notice that, as well as Jet being being more reserved, Party was a little quiet too. Kobra was giving everyone strange looks the entire time they sat playing board games, and Ghoul was left to assume that everyone could feel the tense energy coming from Jet that was filling the space between them all.

Mostly, it was a friendly affair though. They'd explained the rules of Monopoly to Party as they'd played, and at one point Kobra had joked that he could hear Party's circuits whirring as he tried to remember the rules of the game.

Night fell fast again, the sand still blocking out far more light than usual for the clear desert sky. Regardless of the time, the three of them who were capable of feeling tired were indeed tired, and they had decided to call it a night.

Despite being so exhausted, Ghoul couldn't sleep. He was comfortable and warm, and definitely tired, but he just couldn't sleep. Sharing a mattress with Jet meant he couldn't move around too much for fear of waking him up, so he was left to lay still, staring at the wall, waiting to pass out.

He knew wasn't the only one still awake.

Party hadn't powered down yet, and was pacing around the room. He was on the furthest side of the room, far from Ghoul, thankfully, but his presence was making Ghoul a little unsettled.

He footsteps were light and regular, like the ticking of a clock - something that Ghoul hadn't heard for a quite a while.

After some time, the pacing stopped, and Ghoul listened as Party sat down and sighed.

His heart rate picked up as he heard something else that he hadn't expected.

"Are you done now?" Kobra said, his voice quiet, but not so quiet that Ghoul couldn't hear him clearly.

"Yeah, sorry."

"What's on your mind?"

There was the sound of footsteps again, then the movement of sheets as Party lay down next to Kobra on their mattress.

"What do you think dreams are?"

Kobra sighed, thinking for a moment before answering, "I think they're subconscious thoughts that manifest as hallucinations when you're asleep, when your mind is otherwise unoccupied."

"Kobra," Ghoul could almost hear the eyeroll in Party's voice, "I mean, do you think they have a deeper meaning at all?"

"I guess... Maybe? I mean, they're subconscious thoughts, so they're usually based around things you've seen or heard during the day that your conscious mind didn't pick up on. Also thoughts that you've had yourself that your mind hasn't deemed important enough to take notice of."

"So dreams could be about things you're worried about, or things that you want, even if you don't realise it?"

"Possibly, but dreams are very strange things and don't always make sense, so it would be hard to decipher any kind of meaning from them... Why're you asking about dreams?"

"Just something Ghoul said last night."

"Hm," Kobra hummed shortly, followed by, "You're odd with that guy. I've not seen you like this with other killjoys, what's so special about him?"

Silence fell again, filled only by a long sigh and the sound of movement.

"You know back in the City," Party started, changing the subject, "There was the Pairing Programme?"

"Yeah, everyone knew about it," Kobra replied, sounding unsure about the tangent that the conversation had taken.

Ghoul tried not to shiver as he remembered the Pairing Programme; The Pairing Programme was Battery City's twisted attempt at creating perfect people. Once a child turned eighteen, they were encouraged to join the Pairing Programme to find them a 'suitable mate'. This was only ever based on which school subjects they excelled in, pairing science students with science students, English students with English students, and so on, in the hopes that the children they would eventually have would be hyper intelligent.

Many people chose to take part, but many people were banned on 'medical' grounds, which, in Better Living's terms, meant anything from genetic diseases and abnormalities, to homosexuality.

Naturally, Ghoul had been excluded from this programme, but even if he had been eligible, he would have opted out. It seemed so artificial and wrong he didn't want any part in it.

"Were you ever part of that?" Party asked, incredibly casually as though talking about life in the City was a normal occurrence between the two brothers.

"No. I almost was but I managed to opt out. What does this have to do with anything?"

"I've been thinking a lot, about dreams and about affection. What's it like to feel affection, specifically romantic affection?"

Ghoul completely froze, listening to Kobra move, sigh, and clear his throat.

"Feeling romantic affection is like... It's like a warm, fluttery, twisty feeling in your stomach. It's nice, and you want nothing more than to hug the other person and kiss them, and seeing them and having them give you attention just makes you smile as wide as your face allows you to. It's a really special thing."

Ghoul smiled, listening in on the conversation. Kobra had described it perfectly, but Ghoul couldn't think back to the last time someone had made him feel like that.

"And what's it like to kiss someone?"

"What th- Party," Kobra said sternly, "You're a pornodroid, you've kissed people. You know what it's like."

"No, I know what it's like to have strange men shove their tongues in my mouth. What is it like to kiss someone that you want affection from?"

Kobra sighed again, and there was the sound of movement as he rolled over, away from Party.

"I don't know. Can you stop with the questions now, please? I need to sleep and you need to power down. Another four hours, remember."

And with that, the room was silent again, leaving Ghoul to listen to his heart thrumming in his ears.

From the sounds of it, Party had never asked these kinds of things before. In nearly ten weeks of being out in the Zones with other killjoys - probably far more free-spirited and care-free killjoys than Ghoul and Jet - why hadn't Party thought about these things before, about dreams and love?

Now, in the silence and darkness, it was his own thoughts that were keeping Ghoul awake. He found himself thinking of kissing Party and showing him that kissing could be nice and not something that was just demanded of him. Ghoul felt almost guilty for thinking these things, but at the same time, the idea made him smile to himself.

It was with these thoughts that Ghoul finally found sleep, dreaming of soft lips pressed to his cheek.