What is wrong with me?! I'm lying down on the bed once again, in the most uncomfortable position due to my hand getting a cramp from holding my phone up in the air for too long and-
*growl*
Pancakes.
Panqueques
It sounded like you said pancakes so I'll just go with it. Sneaky, sneaky, sneaks. My bare feet make the weirdest noises as the slap on the wood.
You're going to get caught.
Well... maybe I want to!
...what?
Look. I've been stuck in this room, and have only been able to socialize with someone who can't exactly socialize, and their brother. Aarmau? That's the reason why I came here. You said it yourself. There's no reason in being here if I can't even see my ship.
You're lying.
What are you talking about?
You want someone to love you like that. You want someone to... what was it that you've dreamed of? Oh yea- look at you with those loving eyes. And I think we both know the exact person we can get some loving from. Hehe.
Zane!? He doesn't exactly respect me. Besides I barely know him- I don't like him.
Then how did you know I was talking about him? Hmm~
I hate you.
Kawaii-Chan doesn't hate. She loves every-
Stop! Just stop!
The only person who can stop me is you. And you can't do that. I know you can't let go of what little love and confidence you have now.
"Stop!"
I truely do hate myself. Sometimes, I'm actually jealous of Zane. Maybe it sounds stupid so I guess I should explain myself.
He is honest.
Though he is a good liar, he is the most blunt person I know. And I'm jealous of him for that.
Would you stop the self pity. As if you have a choice in the matter.
My hand reaches out, and I greedily shove the pancakes into my mouth. Then I slowly retrace my steps and close the door. Back to my safe haven. Back to my luxurious prison.
Then I start crying. Kawaii-Chan is not cruel. The idea of her is. Someone who never gets upset, someone who is always kind. It's unreasonable and crazy.
Then I realized something.
Does Zane dislike Kawaii-Chan?
But that wouldn't make any sense. Aphmau had commented "Cute things~"
But-
Maybe if he just slightly dislikes her... Maybe if he finds her slightly annoying. It's a big maybe, I know! But... I would like to confide in someone. Tell them who I am. Not just my last. But my name.
The one thing I can't exactly have.
I own you.
Maybe it's time for me to stop trying.
...
My head is pounding. I'm going to do it. I'm going to tell him my real name at the café. By some sort of miracle, he'll understand.
"Nana." I whisper.
Then a huge cake comes right in between us, and I can nearly swear Kawaii-Chan had planned that herself.
A huge weight is lifted off my shoulders...
He's going to be disgusted by you. You've lied to everyone. Everyone! How do you think they'll feel when they find out when a pathetic excuse for a meifwa tells them: My life is a lie.
"What?" He asks, his eyes are just begging me to repeat myself.
The weight crashes back down and I swallow, nearly feeling tears about to come to my eyes. Not only was I tired of being Kawaii-Chan, but Zane had made me were this dumb shirt. Speak in this dumb voice. My throat hurt to no earth's end, and so did my heart.
"Nothing! Nothing!"
That's right.
You're Nothing.
I can't call for a life savor because I jumped into the ocean on purpose.
