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Home

I stumble over a stone as I make my way down the path. The path is broken, incomplete, and this past year, I've been thinking that about myself. Like I'm shattered, cracked, and broken. As I pass a lawn tree with a branch cut off by the house owner, I compare it to myself. I too have lost part of myself, a big part. That part is lost in the sea of people, some dead, some alive. It's impossible for me to smile, laugh, or to even feel the speck of happiness others feel when they recieve their test back with an A, or when someone cracks one of those laugh-as-hard-as-you-can-for-as-long-as-you-can jokes. Nothing is allowing me to feel an ounce of precious feelings. Something is stopping me from grinning, chuckling, or even greeting people with any sort of I-want-to-be-here attitude.

I curse under my breath as I trip over a pebble and fall to the ground. I couldn't even bother to lift my legs enough to stay standing when I was walking. I lay there for a minute, not wanting to get up. I'm sure someone in one of the houses in this neighborhood is looking out the window, wondering why I'm not getting up, probably thinking of what an idiot I am, but I don't care. I don't.

Finally I get up, remembering what I was doing out here in the first place. I'm not going to lie, I haven't felt like I belonged or had any sort of impact in this world for the past while. Nothing I do feels right, like I'm lost in a big hole.

But now, I think as I begin to take larger strides towards my destination, I have a purpose. I'm supposed to be here, in this world. I was meant to do this. I feel my face muscles twitch, like I'm about to smile, but that hasn't happened for ages.

I start to jog, and this feeling blooms inside my chest. A familiar, yet strange feeling. I haven't felt it in so long, exactly two years. Not since Caroline died. I didn't know it was possible for me to feel this again, but I can, and I welcome it. Maybe it's because I know I'll see Caroline soon.

The sensation spreads from my core, and soothes into my arms, tingling my fingers. My legs feel stronger, and warmth engulfs me. A newfound energy bursts from my heart, pushing my legs to go faster. Once I get there, to my destination, I'll be free. I'll finally be free and at last I can apologize to her, and play the game I promised her. I can feel every living part of my body as I pump my legs to a breaking point. I holler up at the sky while I run, "Finally! Thank you God, finally!"

And I smile.

I stop running. I'm... I'm smiling... I'm smiling? I feel the muscles in my cheeks and lips, every one of them. I reach my fingers up and touch my dimples. I'm smiling. I'm smiling! Why is the world not rejoicing, celebrating? I'm smiling!

Now I remember why people spend their lives being happy. My happiness will be short lived but it's worth it, it truly is.

I run toward my goal with a smile on face. With every step I take, it grows. With every stride, my heart becomes one size bigger. When I hear each thud of my foot hitting the ground, the warmth that has taken over my body warms my thoughts.

The view around me changes from streets and houses to grass and the neighborhood park that's half a mile away from the actual neighborhood. There are no kids on the play set, no couples on the benches. It's like the whole world stopped spinning, just for this moment. I slow down as I pass the park, easing to a walk.

Just past the park, is a small woods, about 100 meters thick, but wraps all the way around the town, like a circle. The neighborhood I live in is at the veery edge of town, so we're by the woods. As I reach the start of the tree line, I come to a stop. I stare down at my feet, just a step away from the woods. I wriggle my toes, my bare feet crunching the leaves. I sigh, knowing I that I am so close to getting there.

I can barely hear the sound of the water from where I'm standing, only a small faint continuous flow. I've always thought you should be able to hear the water, and it was strange that you could hear it. One day I heard a lady say that the tree's are so close together that it creates a sort of sound barrier. It imediatley sparked a thought in my mind- no one would be able to hear me.

I swallow and slowly walk the short length through the trees. The sound of the water gets louder and lounder until it's yelling into my ears. I close my eyes as I step right past the last tree. I take in a deep breath, letting the smell of nature take over my senses. The smell of roses and greens fill my noses. A strong breeze whips my hair into my face.

I open my eyes and my breath is taken away by the sight. The waterfall lies about two yards away from me and falls down only about thirty feet, but the sharp rocks at the bottom are defidently sharp enough to kill a person were they to fall down or jump. The water sparkles and would blind a person if they were not used to it. When I look left and right, all I see is cliff. Somewhere though, on both sides, it smoothes down becuase of the other side of town it's a beach, not a cliff.

I look up at the sky and am taken aback by the beauty. It's a view out of a fairytale. Bright blue sky, shining sun, dazzling rainbow, and a flock of birds flying. The sky doesn't know what I'm about to do, and I'm sure that if it did, it would be dark and rainy. I personally like it like this - it reflects my mood. I can finally see Caroline again and make up for myself.

Very slowly, I start to move forward so I can save this happy feeling, this feeling I've waited for for so long, and walk towards the drop-off. First step.

Finally.

Second step.

It's been so very long.

Third and final step.

I get to see Caroline again.

I place both my bare feet side by side not even an inch from the edge. I'm ready. I can do this. I gaze up at the view the sky holds, and hear Caroline's voice calling me up.

"Come play with me! I miss you!"

I smile, letting the wonderful feeling of smiling and hearing Caroline's voice surround me. I push one of my feet forward so my bare toes are off the edge, causing a small piece of rock come loose and fall down.

I take a deep breath, letting the blissful smell of spring fill my nose, and prepare myself. I smile one last time, wanting to feel that feeling I haven't felt in forever one more time, before I do it.

Before I do this.

This.

I let one of my feet completely dangle off the ledge, using my extraordinary balance to keep me from falling for a second. Finally, I would see Caroline.

I slightly bend my knees, ready to do it.

"Hey!" I hear a yell from behind me. Just as I start to whip around I feel strong arms wrap around me and pull me away from the edge. I squirm, trying to get set loose. The person sits me down so I'm leaning into a tree. All of a sudden I'm looking into warm blue eyes.

"Are you alright?" he asks, shaking me by the shoulders just slightly. I nod numbly.

"Are you sure? Do you want to to call someone?" he asks again and continues to ask questions, his eyes deep with concern.

I tune him out just for a second and look over at the cliff. I can't believe I was about to do that. What was I thinking? I turn back and stare into the eyes of my savior.

"Thank you," I whisper. He blinks, surprised I was able to thank him.

"Your welcome. Is there anything you need?" he tilts his mouth upward at me, giving me a gentle ghost of a smile.

"Home," I say. "I want to go home."

He stands and holds out his hand, helping me up.

"Well then, let's take you home."

THE END