«The Language Of Flowers» (Bungou Stray Dogs)

No Longer Human Part II «Dazai Osamu»

"Give me your keys."

When no answer was given, I sighed and rummaged for it in the pocket of his coat. The moment the cold metal met my hand, I fished it out and inserted it into the keyhole.

The door gave a creaking greeting when I pushed it open, my nose wrinkling at the scent of alcohol wafting from within his apartment. Empty bottles littered the floor along with used bandages and ropes. The entire place was completely messed up- the signs of me ever having cleaned it recently were gone with just a snap.

Dazai groaned next to me, making me hasten my navigation to his room. Even this was not spared by his terrible lack of tidiness, used clothes scattered the floor along with more bottles and discarded bandages. A lone chair was left upturned by the side of his bed, a rope tied into a noose dangling from above it.

Another failed suicide.

"Dazai, wake up," I shook his form, a lone groan escaping his lips. "You have to get changed, you're completely drenched in rainwater. Oi, Dazai!" I shook him again and inwardly cursed when he still didn't answer.

Maneuvering us to the foot of his bed, I strenuously removed his brown coat with only my one hand, leaving him in his dress shirt and slacks, inwardly sighing in relief that they weren't as drenched as his coat. I then hoisted him onto the bed, my body heaving tiredly after carrying his weight all the way here.

My arm gave way at the weight before I could fully stand, a small yelp escaping my lips when I slipped on top of Dazai. A pained groan escaped his lips at the impact, his dark brown eyes peeking at me from under his long brown locks.

"I didn't think you'd take advantage of a vulnerable man in the dead of night," Dazai had a tired yet amused smile on his face, my own turning red at the implication of his words which made me hastily get up.

"S-shut up! You know very well I was only helping you to bed so don't go imagining unnecessary thoughts."

"Heh~? Unnecessary thoughts she says and yet you were also thinking of something unnecessary as well," he teased which made me flare up in embarrassment, his rough chuckle echoing in the confines of his sorry-state of a room.

"Don't laugh! It's obviously not funny, Dazai!"

"Hai, Hai. It'll be a secret between us then. I doubt Odasaku would be pleased with me if he found out." The moment my brother's name left his lips, an unsettling silence crept up at us, neither of us looking at each other in the eye.

"Do you hate me?" he whispered which made me look up to face him, "I won't blame you if you resented me for not being able to stop him..."

There he was again. Those words of guilt that he always asked me whenever he got the chance during his drunken states. I couldn't blame him, he carried that guilt with him like a brand of his failure to not only protect him but also for breaking his promise with me to watch over him.

"It's partly my fault as well, Dazai. I never should have given you such a heavy burden to carry when it was my responsibility as his sister to watch over him."

"You're avoiding the question."

"No," I sigh at his drunken persistence, "I don't hate you."

I didn't know if he heard it or not since a light snore was my only reply. Knowing that he was finally knocked out, and probably going to be nursing a terrible hangover tomorrow, I make my way to his closet and pull out my sleeping attire.

Due to me constantly having to look after him, I had decided to leave a few of my belongings and clothing at his house in case I would have to spend the night at his place. Grabbing a somewhat clean towel from one of his drawers, I made my way to the bathroom and settled for a quick shower while making sure to assort the area again.

Luckily, tomorrow would be a day-off for me so I had the whole day to fix his place. Sometimes I wondered if maybe I should just move in considering that my apartment was barely used due to me having to constantly watch over Dazai.

'To him, evil and good are not of the highest priority. He could care less about it. A genius such as him... Such a lonely world he lives in. I guess that's why he always does those antics of his... He wants to know the true value of living and yet he cannot seem to find it wherever he goes. That's because it cannot be found. There is nothing in this world that will satisfy the aching loneliness in his heart...' I recalled Oda-nii's words after I emerged from the bathroom, a towel around my neck to prevent my wet hair from drenching my clothes.

'But, if there is a way to make it easier for him, watch over him as well. You've been together far longer than we have been. I'm sure, whether he shows it or not, he will appreciate the company...'

That's right. It was all because I promised Oda-nii that I would watch him much more closely than I did before. We had grown up together, yes, but I had been raised by Ane-san along with Chuuya. We barely saw Dazai and when we did, he never spoke openly about himself except for his constant wish to commit the perfect suicide.

He didn't reveal anything unless he wanted it to, his past always a mystery begging to be solved. All I could conclude was that it was probably a tragic one, everyone in the mafia seemed to have that kind of life before joining. Dazai would be no exception. We just had different ways of coping with it.

That's why when Oda-nii had told me his observation of Dazai, it only occurred to me quite lately the reasons for these lonely nights and faked smiles. The one person who had gotten closest to him had been my brother and just when Dazai realized that, Oda-nii had died. Somewhere in his empty life, he had realized that everything he learned to care for would be taken from him.

And so that's why he never strived to form connections... Or maybe never even bothered to. I sigh to myself, Dazai is right- I'm too much like my brother. Could it be my own way of coping with his death? That by keeping a part of him, I could affirm to myself that I had not yet gone numb.

That because of my gift... I am slowly becoming a monster.

--*--

"Since when was this decided?"

"Since now, Chuuya." I grinned at his annoyed face while stuffing the last of my stuff inside my car.

I could see the owner waving at me from the distance, eyes glistening in tears which made me sweat-drop. Well, it couldn't be helped, I've been living at this apartment for a few years now so we were actually pretty close neighbors even with my reputation as a mafioso.

"I can't believe you're doing all of this for that traitorous vagabond! Honestly, if the boss finds out then-,"

"Again with the threats? It's obvious the boss knows this so there's no point trying to hide it."

"The whole organization is beginning to think you're a traitor too. If your reputation goes any lower then you'll really be in big trouble! Can't you understand that for once?!"

"Do you think I'm a traitor, Chuuya?"

"Ha?! Of course not but-,"

I don't give him a time to respond before passing him a light pat on the shoulder as I got into my car. "Then that's all I need to know."

I start up the ignition and quickly speed off to Dazai's house, leaving a frustrated Chuuya behind. I could care less what other people thought of me. Ever since my brother had gotten Dazai's praise, everyone had suddenly become cold to us. Jealousy, it was always the root of every evil.

I shake my head to dispel the thoughts and adjusted my rear view mirror as I made a turn that led to the bar Dazai had been frequently visiting.

Knowing him, he would have probably gone off to drink in his usual bar until he was knocked out or until I got to him and took him home.