Fullmetal Host Club (FMA x OHSHC fanfiction)

Automail

A/N
Yo I don't own FMA or OHSHC because if I did I would probably keep re-publishing the episodes because I made changes to the plot.
Anyway, enjoy!

- - - -
"Well, crap."

Edward was shocked. If Tamaki knew, then it was bound to become news all over the school pretty quickly. There was no escaping. He had to tell.

Hikaru walked into the room. "Yo boss, what's happening? Oh." He muttered as he observed a passed-out-with-shock Tamaki and Ed with a metal arm and leg.
Kaoru joined in. "See, I told you, Hikaru! I knew there was something up about him!"
"Well, I thought you were talking about his hair or gloves or something!"
The twins were still continuing with their arguing/banter when Haruhi walked in.

Her eyes widened for a second, before muttering,"Well this is awkward." It explains why his shoulder felt so weird, though.

Mori joined in, with Honey sitting on his shoulders.
"Whoa! Cool! It's like he's a robot!" Honey exclaimed with sparkling eyes.
"Hmm." Mori said to himself, deep in thought. Since he had experience in martial arts, he noticed more things about body movement than usual.

"Well, guess everyone else has found out now," Kyoya remarked, pushing up his glasses. "What's going to happen now?"

"Okay, CAN YOU GUYS STOP STARING AT ME NOW?" Ed shouted before kicking everybody out.

- - - -

"Tama-chan is still in shock." Honey pointed out.
Everyone looked toward Tamaki, who looked like a sheet of paper.
"Yo boss." Hikaru said to Tamaki to wake him up.
"HOW CAN YOU BE SO CALM ABOUT THAT?" Tamaki suddenly cried out.
"Well, we kind of already knew." The twins said together.
"Same!" Honey exclaimed.
"Yeah. . . I guess so." Haruhi agreed.
"The academy does extensive research on each and every one of its students. So, of course I would know too." Kyoya explained.
"YOU TOO, MAMA?" Tamaki shouted before sitting in a corner.
"Wow, Tamaki-senpai, you really need to chill about this whole thing. Missing a limb or two doesn't change who you are on the inside." Haruhi muttered.

Tamaki suddenly appeared out of his emo corner. "Well, of course I knew that!" He exclaimed suddenly, visibly sweating. "After all, a true gentleman never loses his composure."
"You just did." Hikaru and Kaoru pointed out.
"Well, moving on. We should see how our newest host is going."

"Right over here, slowpokes." Edward said, wearing a dress with longer sleeves.
"Whoa, Edo-chan! How did you get a longer dress?"
"That's for me to know. Also, can you please just stop calling me that!"
"No time for dawdling, men! Service time is about to start!"
"Service time. Best freaking time of the day. And I have to do it in this stupid thing." Edward muttered.

- - - -
"Wow, you look almost like a girl in that dress!" One of the girls that requested Ed chattered.
"Yeah! It's kind of cute." The other girl agreed, slightly quieter.

In this moment, Edward realised that nothing in his life had ever been this painful before. But here he was, having to deal with two girls swooning over him wearing a maid costume while in a stupid club within a stupidly huge pink school. It would be nearly impossible for things to get any worse. However, Ed was known for defying the impossible.

"You think so?" Edward asked, faking some kind of bashfulness. At that exact moment, he felt his soul descend into the 7th circle of hell.

"Yeah! You look like you're actually a maid! Speaking on the topic of maids, do you know any recipes?"

"Well, I know one." Ed replied, with an evil grin that neither of the girls noticed.

"Really. What is it?" The second girl asked. "I'd love to hear it!"

Without hesitation, Edward replied. "Water 35 litres, carbon 20 kilograms, ammonia 4 litres, lime 1.5 kilograms, phosphorous 800 grams, salt 250 grams, saltpeter 100 grams, sulfur 80 grams, fluorine 7.5 grams, iron 5 grams, silicon 3 grams, and trace amounts of fifteen other elements."

"And what does that make?" Both girls asked at the same time, confused.

"All those ingredients make up the average human. So, I guess you could say it's the recipe for a human being. However, no scientist has ever been able to fully replicate a living, breathing human being. Strange, huh? People have done extensive research on every part of the human body, but they still can't make it."

"Uh, okayyyyy then. Well, we're just going to, uhh, think about that while we go find another host." One of the girls said, smiling nervously and slowly backing away.
"Yeah."

Haruhi took a break from all her "You look just like a girl!" comments to take a glance at all the other hosts. Tamaki, as usual, was going on some long pretentious speech about maids or something, Mori was being stoic, Honey was being cute, Kyoya was being cool, the twins were being gay, and Edward was nowhere to be seen.
Where did Ed go? Isn't he supposed to be still talking to his customers? However, Haruhi couldn't ponder on this for long, as she had to go back to her customers.

- - - -

Meanwhile, Ed was running as fast as he could away from all this, now changed into a spare set of clothes that was in his bag. Normally he didn't run away from his problems and faced them head on, but this problem was so stupid he just decided to leave it for now. Pretty soon, he arrived at a garden bench where he sat down, and grabbed a book out of his schoolbag that he had borrowed from the library.

The Science of Alchemy
by Nicholas Flamel
Alchemy is the science of understanding, deconstructing, and reconstructing matter. It follows very closely the laws of equivalent exchange, which is as so: to receive, one must exchange something of equal value. If not followed, consequences will ensue. For example, if one was to mend a hole in an item of clothing, the alchemist must first provide enough of said material for the process to suceed. However, there is one item that defies these laws. Named many names through the times, this legendary item is rumored to be able to transform inexpensive materals into gold, bring the deceased to the living, and lead men to be immortal gods. The item is known as the-

"Hey Edward. What are you doing?"

No response.

"Ed, wake up. You need to help clean up the club." Haruhi breathed in. Time to resort to the big guns. "Okay you little guy, you need to get back to school."

This seemed to work. "WHO ARE YOU CALLING A RUNT SO MICROSCOPIC THAT EVEN A FRACTION OF A DROP OF WATER PROVIDES ENOUGH OXYGEN FOR THE REST OF HIS LIFE? Oh, it's just you, Haruhi."

"Yeah, don't worry, just me. Anyway, why are you out here, and not at school? If it's about that whole metal limb thing, then don't worry. I don't really care about that." Haruhi asked.

"No, it's just," Edward inhaled slowly, "wow, Tamaki is annoying. Actually, this whole club thing is stupid. Despite everything, I actually can't wait for the physical exams to be over and done with so I can quit this damn thing and join the karate club."

"Well actually, you're not allowed to quit a club until the end of the year." Haruhi revealed.

"WHAT?! Oh no, how am I supposed to survive this year."

- - - -
A/N
1213 words (not including this). This chapter is so long compared to the other chapters. It beats chapter 2 by a landslide, which was 800 words including all the notes. Also I just remembered, throughout nearly all of this chapter, everyone is wearing a maid outfit. Really changes the mood of the story.
That's about it kids.
Bye!