I think, the things that scare us the most, is just not knowing.
You don't know what can happen in a day, a month, a year, in a lifetime.
You don't know if someone's going to be there, whether in person, alive, dead, lost, gone, loving, or holding. And it kills me. It literally, fucking, destroys me from the inside out.
I feel as if suicide, depression, and anxiety are just more common these days, more than anyone else, and I debate with myself every single fucking day, whether we either have soft skin, or if society really is fucking up, more than usual.
Or whether it's teenage kids, making a a hasty decision, and they never thought they were going to die and by the time they realized they didn't want to, it was too damn late.
That hurts.
You don't even have to know them. When you're someone like me, you get it, you fucking get it. You can break down every reason why, every act that lead up to someone's decisions, and you wish you would had been there to prevent them because you knew.
I was that kid. I was that kid that didn't know, that was terrified of what could happen in a day, in a month, in a year, or a damn lifetime. I was that kid that thought adults didn't know shit, but strangely enough, I'm about to be an adult that doesn't know shit.
I am still the girl, that is terrified of what could happen in a day, in a month, in a year, or a lifetime. And, I know, someone else is too.
I think that's my point.
That, despite everyone else ever saying it, you're not alone.
It's common, it's normalized, and yet again, babe, it's life.
And life, life fucking sucks.
But, is it worth ending?
Is a boy problem, worth ending your life? No.
Is a girl not loving you, worth ending your life? No.
Is a parent, who doesn't get you, worth ending your life? No.
It hurts. It fucking hurts. I know, trust me, oh my God, I know it does. And babes, I can't change it, but time does heal. One day, you'll move out of your parent's house. I remember being 14 and just wondering what the fuck I wanted to do with my life.
Now, I want to go into Journalism in college, I want to go to Tbilisi, Georgia. I want to see the world. I want fucking kids, I want to get fucking married to someone that gives two shits about me and isn't going to be afraid of the things that are wrong with me. I want to love, I want to be love, I want to spread so much fucking love that no one has to feel pain anymore.
Shit, shit actually gets better.
And one day, I hope you can see it too. No matter how long it takes, I really hope, you can. It took me four years, to get better. Hell, anything is possible.
So, please, please love. Always.
Lyrics Sparks
