Too Quiet ° Meanie °

9. The Thing About Feeling Pt.2

I remember a certain poem we had to learn in class during freshman year. The teacher had told us to 'pick apart the short work, search for a meaning that you can personally relate to'. I had read the poem so many times, I can still recite it to this day;

Lonely is just one word chosen to represent so much

To tell of feelings inside that the senses cannot touch

Lonely can be in the teardrops on a bereaved person's cheek

Lonely can be in the silence of sorrows too deep to speak

Lonely can haunt a deserted room that laughter once made proud

Lonely surrounds you when you're alone or finds you in a crowd

Lonely is heard in echoed footsteps of a departing friend

Lonely penetrates the solitude of nights that will not end

Lonely will not listen to the pleadings of a broken heart

Lonely stays and torments until new love shatters it apart

By, Mary Havran

Back in my earlier teen years, I skimmed over the deeper meaning and wrote how the author felt lonely; and everyone feels that once in awhile. Simple as that.

But now, as I've grown, I have come to realize what was truly written out.

In fact, I'm pretty sure I am living part of it.

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We all make our way out of the cafeteria and towards the gym in an obnoxiously loud group; Jun is picking on Vernon about his hair- he'd recently dyed it back to black and we all love the natural look on him, but Jun just can't let go of the Leonardo diCaprio look and in front of me Seungcheol and DK are talking about some new video game. Behind me is Soonyoung and Jihoon who are lost in their own little world, talking in low tones and lastly, Joshua who's walking right beside me. The lean boy is not saying a single word, but I can feel that something is bothering him. Every few steps, he turns his head to look at me subtly, which is kind of starting to get annoying, even for him.

"So" Joshua finally speaks "do you have any plans for tonight? Do you maybe want to come over and watch some movies with DK and I?" His tone is the same chirpy one he often uses, but towards the end I notice the waver, the shakiness. Before I can answer he adds in quickly "I'm already waiting for DK after school, you know because of his detention, you could just come along with us since you have detention as well?" I know he was trying to make it seem as more of a statement, but it comes out more of as a question.

I stuff my cold hands inside my uniformed chinos and continue walking forward.

"Oh, uh no that's okay, I'm actually not feeling too well today." I start out slowly. "Plus, my parents are away and you know how they are with the house, not wanting it left empty and... stuff" I try to make up a quick lie, something I've been doing a lot as of lately, but it's only half a lie if we are being honest! My parents really do hate the house being unoccupied, they're scared of someone coming in and robbing the place. Honestly, I don't see why they're so afraid, we have a top notch security system and we live in an uptight neighborhood. What more do you need?

Out of the corner of my eye, I watch as Joshua nods his head slowly, and with the smile that always seems to reside on his face, he begins to look straight ahead and starts to bite his lower lip, smile now fading.

Oh shit, what if he caught on to my semi-lie?! An angry Joshua is the worst kind of Joshua.

He eventually lets out a weak sigh and continues walking forward, a little faster, until he's beside DK.