ROWAN •dobrik•

Chapter Ten

T H R E E  M O N T H S  L A T E R

"Rowan please?"

"Hell no."

I was right. I had fucked up my whole life for a second time. I ruined my friendship with David, all over some drunken words that he can't forgive me for.

We hate each other, more than we ever played out to be.

After coming home, I've seen him once. He started throwing insults at me, and I did the same. We almost got into a fist fight in the middle of Scotty's backyard. Let's just say, I've been avoiding everyone for about three months.

I broke my hand, because I slammed my fist down onto the concrete that night.

The most embarrassing and depressing night of my life...

I got my cast off about two weeks ago, bless Gabbie for taking care of me even though she doesn't have to. I don't deserve her, after I've completely flipped her life upside down.

I've thought about running away, several times. I can't stay here, I've ruined everything.

Just like everything else in my life.

The most important thing in my life was David, and I went a fucked it up. My feelings fuck everything up for me. It will always be that way, and I can't stop that.

I just need to leave, keep myself isolated so I can't ruin any more lives.

No one would miss me if I did-

"Please Rowan! You and David can't hate each other forever! Hell, you don't even hate each other, you're just mad at each other. You're David and Rowan, you can't just hate each other," Gabbie grab onto my arm, shaking it. I kept a monotone face and stared at the shaking phone in my hands.

"Well, Gabbie, you're wrong. I hate him-,"

Not true. I love him, more than anything.

"-and he hates me. That's that," my voice cracked as I felt tears cloud my vision. He probably did hate me. After that night, who wouldn't?

"You can't just, not talk about it, Rowan. You tell me everything. What happened when you two walked out of the building?"

I bit my lip and shook my head. I'm so embarrassed of myself, I can't tell anyone what happened that night, even if David might have already told people. I won't deny or verify anything, because I just don't want to talk it.

"Nothing that concerns you," I mumbled quietly as I kept staring at my phone. She sighed, loosening the grip on my arm. I heard her get up and walk towards my bedroom door.

"I'm leaving in fifteen minutes, so if you're actually going to grow a pair and come with me to Scotty's, than be my guest," she sighed before shutting the door.

I waited until I couldn't hear her footsteps anymore before grabbing onto my pillow and hurting my face in it. I sobbed into it, my whole body shaking from the amount of pain and depression I was going through.

I've never hated myself more.

I slowly rose my head up from the pillow, wiping my tears away. I'm letting the fear take over. I can't let that happen again.

It almost destroyed me the first time, and I still haven't fully healed from that. If i let it happen again, this time there will be no coming back from it.

It will kill me. I can't let the fear of seeing David take over me. I have to stand my ground and ignore the fear, ignore the pain, even though it's going to hurt beyond compare.