ROWAN •dobrik•

Chapter Fifteen

Spring break, it's about time you show your face again

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"Are you fucking serious?"

"Yeah I know, he's a fucking cunt bag," I replied to Gabbie as I stared out my bedroom window. My arms were crossed over my chest as I stared at the busy night streets below. The traffic jam looks like the inside of my head right now.

Why does David think he can fuck everything up like that?

"He thinks he can just...wiggle his way back into your life after treating you like garbage for months? Fuck this, I'm going to-," she began to get up from her place on my bed and I whipped around and grabbed her wrists to stop her.

"No, stop pulling the big sister card. David is my battle to fight, not yours. I have to deal with this on my own. It's not like I let him off easy and said okay, I told him he has to give me proof before I accept his apology. We know how David is, he's not going to do it," I reassured her as she slowly sat back down on my bed.

"Yeah well that was a dumb decision. I would have told him to go fuck off. God Rowan you're so head over heels for David you can't see through yours and his bullshit combined," she snapped at me and I stared at her.

She brought how I feel into this...she shouldn't have done that. I didn't want to yell at her back but-

"Are you kidding me...," I started, backing away from her and crossed my arms over my chest. "You don't have to keep piling on the bullshit, Gabbie. I know, believe me I know. I know he's not someone I should keep being around, and I know that giving him a chance to prove himself was a dumb mistake. But I also know how I feel about him, and it's confusing, intoxicating, but I fucking love it. I live for it, and I want to try and make this..." I paused, not wanting to finish my sentence. Besides, I think I had made my point.

Gabbie stared at me, not knowing what to say. All she did was calmly get up and walk over to me, pulling me into a hug. I hugged her back, feeling my whole structure completely break down as I collapsed against her chest. I started to cry hysterically, gripping my hands into fists as I let anger and sadness completely take over my mindset.

"God damn it Gabbie, I fucking hate myself...I fucking hate myself," I started mumbling slander about myself as she rocked me back and forth through my panic attack, trying to shush me and calm me down. I felt so ridiculous, breaking down in front of Gabbie like this. She shouldn't be treating me so sweet, how can she still tolerate me so easily?

"Hey, hey. You shouldn't hate yourself because of your feelings. They're emotions, they're suppose to turn against you. That's what helps you make your own decisions and come to conclusions. This is something you need to conclude. No matter how you choose to do so, I will always support you, and I'm sorry I made you think even for a spilt second that I didn't." Gabbie put her hands on my shoulders, lightly shaking my limp body.

I stared anywhere else around the room but at her. I didn't want to see the look in her eyes. I didn't even want to reply to her. I could feel her eyes scanning my face, trying to look for some type of response. I looked up as I heard a loud knock on the front door and it made me push Gabbie away from my face.

"You should go answer that," I said quietly before leaning against my bed frame, staring at the ceiling. She sighed before making her way out of my room and shutting the door behind her.

I tossed an arm over my eyes, closing them out of habit. I tried to tune out the muffled conversation that Gabbie was having with the guest at the front door, attempting to nap all of my problems away. I still didn't even move when the voices stopped and my door slowly opened. It was probably Gabbie, but I really didn't feel like continuing our little talk at the moment, better yet at all.