Athazagoraphobia [Richie Tozier]

2

"I'm not climbing that Richie, you've lost it if you think I will!"
Eddie protested

"C'mon Eds! It's not that high."
Richie called from up the tree.

"I could break something for the second time Richie, my mother would freak and, and..."
Eddie started, running out of breathe.

"Didn't you find out your mother was basically lying to you your whole life, y'know, about the placebos?"
Richie asked.

"I- I don't know. I mean, God it's fucking hard!"
Eddie said sitting down on a nearby log.

Richie came down from the tree, not realizing his friend would get this upset.

"What do you mean?"
Richie asked, concerned for his friend.

"I feel like I missed out. I always live with this constant fear that 'oh maybe I'll get sick' or 'Fuck I'm gonna die.' And to find out it's all a lie, from your own damn mother? It fucked me up Richie..."
Eddie spoke.

Richie didn't know what to say. He wished he could pour himself out to his best friend. He wanted to tell him everything. He was close to as well. He just couldn't, not now.

"God Eddie. I didn't..."
Richie said looking at his feet.

"But whatever it's fine right? I mean. I'll get over it sooner or later. I shouldn't have even told you, it just kinda came out."
Eddie confessed.

"Nah Eds, I'm glad you told me."
Richie reassured, flashing a small smile.

With that Eddies watch beeped.

"I gotta get home. I uh, I'll talk to you later?"
Eddie asked.

"Sure."
Richie replied.

Richie was thinking about his own life, how we wished he could have poured himself out to him, as he did. He really wanted to. However, he just couldn't. Not yet at least.

•••

Richie sat on his blue sofa in his living room. The television was illuminating the small space, and the window was cracked, letting in a small amount of brisk October wind. Richie began to think about his past summer, and how he had a lot of fun, even though he nearly died, too many times to count. He remembered Beverley and how she moved to Portland. He kinda missed Bev, even though he wasn't the closest with her. The whole group did to be honest. How couldn't you? He wondered if she had a new friend group? Sure they hear from her, from time to time, but still so many questions. Richie concluded that she was happy with her aunt.

Blinding head lights shone through the window, and the sound of an old muffler echoed. His mother was home. He had an extremely strong hatred towards his family. His friends didn't know about it, no one really did except for his school's guidance councillor Ms. Mann. He didn't plan on telling her, but he needed someone to know, just someone. And it had helped, but it wouldn't forever.

The smell of smoke, and pungent liquor, stared to fill up the space of the house.

"Richard!"
Maggie Tozier called fumbling though the entry way, being obviously drunk out of her mind.

Richie decided to pay her no mind, as she did to him.

"I said Richard To- Tozier! Get down here you son of a bitch! This house was supposed to be clean you piece of shit!"
His mother yelled still trying to take off her high heels.

Richie winced at the insult, but disregarded it as always. Maggie Tozier's hair was matted and dark. Her makeup was smeared and her eyes were puffy and bloodshot.

"I was doing my homework."
Richie said facing the other direction, not wanting to face her fury.

"You are a disobedient child! I wish you were never born, you rat!"
His mom called, messily stumbling over to him, cigarette in hand.

Richie ran up the stairs and shut the door behind him. He sunk down onto the floor and started to cry. Cry? Richie Tozier didn't cry. Oh but he did, only on occasions of course. His mother's words never really hurt him as they used to, except for when she wishes he was never born, that's where Richie draws the line.

"Fuck!"
Richie screamed at the top of his lungs.