stories i would never write

Untaught Love

He thought he could. He really did. But he couldn't stay any longer. He left her too. He left the girl who believed he was her world. That girl who was crying up till 3 am till she met him. Now he has become the reason she still isn't asleep. He is the reason her pillow has to soak up all the tears he was once there to wipe off her face. He is the reason she feels like the entire world is against her once again. He is the reason she has to fake a smile when walking. down the streets trying to the cheerful girl she had been ever since she met him.

She was torn apart into two. She drowns in the sea of memories thinking about the first time she met him. The way he looked at her grabbed her heart right out of her chest. It was the pain that felt like pleasure. She fell for him. She fell for his laughter. His smile. The way he supported her when her family didn't. The same family that left her in ruins. Gave up on her. The family that made her feel like she wasn't worthy of living.

So she found a family in him. Just her and him. How she dreamt about the future that thy could have had. How she dreamt about a family that wouldn't fall apart and last forever. How she trusted him with her heart. The heart that had never felt loved. The heart that had never known what it felt like to be loved until he came along cause all it did until he came along was to give its love to everyone around it. It didn't feel tired. Just cheated. Giving all of it and receiving none in return.

She believed he would stay cause of the emotions she felt rushing all over her body when she saw him. The feeling that she never had when she looked at the woman who brought her to life or the man she was forced to call her father. The man who was the reason why her entire family hated her. The man who was the reason she went in search of love. The reason she is now drowning in her own tears wishing her other half would come back to pick her up. Pick her up and remind her she wasn't alone. Pick her up and say he would be there for her, beside her, even when the whole world was against her. But then the pain strikes here heart again reminding her that he wouldn't be there to pick her up anymore.

If only forgetting someone was as easy as falling for them. The moment when two hearts collided and became one. Now a half is shattered the other is gone. The seconds begin to feel just too long.  A minute turned into hours and she didn't feel any strong. She felt like she was poisoned by the pill she thought was curing her. It was like silence before the storm. She thought he would be her cure. But he too left like everyone. He left her cause he said she didn't know how to love him. Little did he know she gave him her everything cause all she wanted him to do was to stay. But he threw her efforts away like they were nothing and labelled them as not enough.

So he left her and she was in ruins. It was not the words he said before he left that tore her apart. It was to see him walk away and realise he won't be coming back that tore her apart. She started to sink deeper in her tears when she realised she was waiting for a text that she would never receive. A love that she once felt. A love she would do anything to feel it all over again.

It tore her apart. So she decided to tear her skin apart. Trying that pool of tears into pink then to crimson red. And she falls in love with it. Because even on the darkest days, when eight in the morning looks no different from midnight and nothing had happened and nothing was going to happen and she is washing a glass in the sink and it drops, shattering into a million pieces like her heart did, puncturing her skin and there it is, the brightest thing in the day, the shocking red blood, so vibrant that is buzzes, and that blood of her reminds her she is alive.

She steps on the few pieces that fell on the ground. Letting them pierce through her, once flawless and pale skin, because, she had become a madwoman. A woman who was obsessed with the constant reminder that she was alive. A woman who once wanted nothing more than to be just loved, wanted to witness her death when she was alive. She walks around the house now. Taking slow and small steps. Feeling that pain excruciating through her body. She wants more of it. So she runs around hoping she could run into his arms. The madness has consumed her cause she fell in love with the pain she felt with every step.

The pain made her forget the pain he had left behind in her heart. The pain she felt when her own family threw her aside. The pain of knowing she was alone in this world. All these pains faded the moment she saw her own death in front of her eyes, that once were full of life, but now looked empty. Her death was beautiful. The feeling was magical. Slowly but surely, all of her blood would be drained. But how she wished, even at that dying moment, her love for him would drain like her blood and the pain could be long forgotten so that she could live to see another dawn so bright that she doesn't have to dry her tears every night.