stories i would never write

The Night Sky

I reach deep within myself. I pause. I turn and take a look around. You weren't around. I ran screaming your name. The only thing I heard in return was your name and my footfalls.

I drifted into another world. A world where I felt lost.

A world I knew but couldn't move.

Paralysed.

Still stuck in the world where you were mine.

I tried reaching deep within myself again. It was empty. The place where I once held the love that we shared was empty.

No, your love was gone and mine was still there going on strong. It was a beautiful tragedy. A tragedy in which I couldn't take my mind off you but felt happy when you found someone new. Strange isn't it ? It was a pain that I loved. Knowing you found someone better. Knowing that someone could have been me if I tried harder.

Now I keep a knife beside my heart. Ready to strike before anyone else does.

I get lost. Confused. Helpless.

"Maybe this is just a nightmare.", I tell myself.

I tried waking up. Swimming through my ocean of tears and blood. Yes, blood. Sometimes dripping blood seemed easier than dripping tears.

But, I could have only woken up if I was in a dream in the first place.

I tried to play your game.

To find someone better.

Someone that everyone said was "waiting" for me.

But how can I play a game being the person I am ?

A disfigured and obnoxious 17 year old boy.

A disgrace to God's creation.

A failure in life.

My nightmares continue haunting me with these words ringing in my ears.

My nightmare lives in me.

It tries to claw its way out of me.

I start going insane.

Insane. Mad. Lunatic.

Yes I was crazy.

Crazy for you.

A worthless piece of shit who couldn't treasure the jewel he found.

A regret that I will carry to my grave.

I decide to become a king. A king of my own world where I am cold.

Numb.

I didn't feel anymore.

Because every time I tried to feel, it was right there in front of me.

My nightmare.

And then I ran into you. Crazy isn't it ? You still looked perfect. But my heart didn't race like before. You were not in my heart anymore. You just left a scar.

A painful lesson that holds me back till this day.

We met again and you looked at me like you wanted me in your life.

But I knew better.

I mean we knew better. We both knew you didn't want me anymore.

That day I went back home and looked in the mirror.

Imperfections.

My imperfections have gotten even worse.

I hated myself even more.