cancer ;; [taekook]

//13//

"They think I'm insane, they think my lover is strange, but I don't have to fucking tell them anything."

I can see him.

I can't count the days, I can't remember a single way to do it, it's like time doesn't exist.

But I can see him.

I'm not on the clouds, you know, I am a travelling soul.

Even when I'm dead, I still can't find a place to stay more than a week. A place to call home.

Not if he's not in there too.

I follow him. I know this looks like a stalking thing, but I just can't help it. I need him. He needs me.

I follow him everywhere he goes, I want to see him doing his little things, like hiding the bottom of his face with his hoodie, or playing with his necklace, tilting his head when he's confused, scratching his nose when hungry.

He tried to kill himself. Even when I was still alive, but also when I wasn't.

Thank God I saved him in both of times.

I was reading a book. It was really good, I was really into it.

I still consider those months like the best of my entire life. Yeah, I know that he had suicidal thoughts, but he looked so damn happy. I was so damn happy. I thought that finally something in my life was perfect, but apparently Karma had to ruin it.

The problem with Karma is that you can't actually blame it if it punishes you, because you did something bad. You deserve it.

When I finished it, I went to my lover's house for telling him the story, that was a thing we used to do, but he didn't answered all the rings, so I decide to enter from the window.

I called him, I looked for him and I found him. I think I've never been so angry and worried in my entire life.

He was in his room, laying on his bed so quietly at first I thought he was sleeping. But then I noticed the pills.

I called the ambulance, but after they picked him up I didn't see him for days.

I waited all the time it took in the hospital hall. They asked me to leave, but I did not even see them, so they did nothing. They probably had pity.

I didn't sleep since the moment I found him to the moment I finally talked to him, but I can't remember a thing of what happened in that time span. The only thing I remember is pain.

I didn't ask him why, back when we were in the hospital. He tried to tell me, but I stopped him. "It's not the right time", I said. "You're gonna tell me everything, trust me, but not now."

I used to visit him everyday. I went to school, I had lunch during the trip to the hospital, and then I stayed with him until late evening, when the nurse couldn't let me stay more.

I always had the feeling that if I didn't visit him, he could try to kill himself again.

I used to talk about school and Jimin and Hobi and silly things, but I never said a world about how I was feeling. I was worried I could make him sad, but I was also angry: I know it's selfish to say, but everything finally got together, why he had to ruin the peace?

But at the end of the day, we both knew that we couldn't go back, at this point: the mistake was already done.

----
waassupp
das me
the author
i dont want to take a lot of your time but i just wanted to say that im going to tell you who is the narrator
but,, like,,
at the end of the story :D
causeiwanttoseeyallsufferstrugglin
no im kiddin

maybe