Volcanoes are Fabulous

chapter 1: the only one there will be

Find everything okay?" I ask, pretending to care.

"Actually, no I didn't. I couldn't find anything of any sort on asteroids."

Oh, well maybe if you weren't so thick-headed you could. "Um, this is a volcano booth, the books on asteroids are towards the entrance." Meaning you literally had to walk past it.

"What? That's absurd, I didn't see it. Where by the entrance? Show me!" She stands expectantly, her gray eyes cold beneath red-rimmed glasses. Does she actually expect me to? I think to myself. I also think I'm not paid enough for this-then again I'm not being paid at all.

"O-Okay, I guess?" I say/ask. Usually I'd reply with a totally awesome witty and snarky comment, but right now I fear for my life. Ms. Glasses Lady appears to be contemplating strangling me with her pink feather boa. Who even owns those anymore? Let alone wear in public?

I step out from behind my lonely blue table of sanctuary, "Right this way ma'am." As I begin to direct her to the entrance, I glance back at my booth-well, my uncle's anyway:

#27: DORMANT THEY SLEEP BY: DR. JODEY

Wow, that's not cheesy at all I think, apparently I speak it too, because Ms. Glasses Lady makes a disapproving noise, "Today's youth!" That's probably what she'd say if she weren't concentrating on not falling over. Which is probably quite the feat, considering her six-inch stilettos.

I guide her through what is a surprisingly crowded walkway. Booths with authors eager to sign and sell books are on either side of us, Its like comicon. Wait, no. Comicon actually has cool books, this only has science-y books. This is like comicon for actual nerds. Send help.

We pass by booths with displays of books that read EARTHQUAKES and TORNADOES. The people who organized this(Nerds!) thought it would just be super cool to make a theme: NATURAL DISASTERS.

So, ladies and gentlemen, here I am. A perfectly healthy seventeen-year-old with much better things to do with my summer, stuck working an extremely underpaid weekend cashier job at my uncle's booth because he wrote something on volcanoes. Whoop. Whoop. Livin' the dream.

We've passed by HURRICANES and TYPHOONS by the time we're at the booths on asteroids,(Aren't they supposed to be the same thing? I definitely saw that somewhere. I think.) and Ms. Glasses Lady starts telling me about how her grandson works at Meteor Crater or something. Probably to hide the fact that, yes, she did indeed walk past here.

I start to head back when I realize I never rang her up. So, like the useful human I am, I awkwardly wait for her to pick out some books, and turn away as she flirts with the cashier. If I didn't, I would have chucked one of said books at her.

After, she follows me back to my little blue table and pays as if she didn't just waste my time. Not that I was really doing anything, though. Whatever.

Then she leaves. Thank god.

"Where were you?" Never mind, god has cursed me. I turn and face a forty-something guy with a handlebar mustache and ink on his forehead.

"Insane customer, don't ask." I know he'll ask eventually, I'm just stalling. My uncle asks about everything, even if he doesn't listen to the answer.

"Well, you were missed, I'll tell you that. A customer came by and I had to play cashier. It delayed my signing."

"Maybe you shouldn't use a fountain pen. Or write a novel for each person you sign it to; they're already paying for one."