Venessa

S H E

It's the empty feeling that runs through my bones. 

How my stomach tightens when I approach someone. 

The feeling when a chill is sent up my spine. 

The fear that someone, somewhere is judging me. 

There is never a real escape. There is never a breath of fresh air. There is never a day I can just freeze time. 

From the flashing on my computer screen to the tears running down my cheeks there is nothing I can do to stop it. Yet I hold my head high and ignore the looks they give me. I cover my wrists and my thighs hoping that nobody notices the scars that I tuck away from view. They don't know who I am and what I have gone through. They don't know that the words they say and the lines they type all leave invisible scars. 

***

[venessa.parks]: anj_monty commented: "kill yourself." 

[venessa.parks]: blaire.russo commented: "everyone hates you."

[venessa.parks]: vivizen, justin.ramony, malcomrussel_ and 37 more commented on your photo.

***

I look at my laptop screen letting another tear slide down my cheek. I then glance at the pins I used to use to put up pictures on my walls, most of the pins are discarded in my garbage bin with my blood still fresh on the tips. I reach out to take another but hesitate just for a second as I look  down at my arm. The shallow scratches from the pins clearly visable. I take in a deep breath and pick up another pin, I hold it to my arm about to press it into my flesh. Before I am able to pierce my skin there is a loud knock at my door. I slam my laptop screen shut, throw the pin back into it's box, cover the garbage can, and I pull down my sleeves.

"Yes?" I call out.

"I'm going out, don't wait up." My Aunt yells from the other side of the door. No doubt she was going to drink away her problems at the bar across town. I don't blame her however, I can understand her pain.

Waiting for the front door to slam as it usually did, I walk down the stairs into the kitchen. I open her liquor cabinet and pull out a bottle of vodka and a shot glass. I just need to forget who I am, I need to forget who I have lost, I need to forget everything.

***

My pain was lost for those brief hours.

The emptiness, the feeling of my stomach tightening, the chills, and the fear were all distant memories. 

My tears where dry, the words I hear everyday no longer hurt, the lines they type felt irrelevent and even though I knew when I woke up that it would all come rushing back I took another shot trying to clutch onto the freedom I was feeling. 

~~~~

Cyberbullying has become such a common form of bullying and it is something so many people go through every day. If you are being bullied don't hesitate to talk to someone about it, it's important that you are not alone. 

This story was inspired and is dedicated to friend of mine is going through a similar situation, they are getting through it because they looked for help, even if it was just a friend.

I want to thank all of you lovelies for reading this story and I hope it has touched at least someone's heart.

masing13