Going the Distance ✔️

Chapter thirty nine.

Louisa's POV

Disappointed was what I felt when I left Liam's bedroom. I didn't know why I felt disappointed and I didn't know why I felt a horrible pit in my stomach. He looked shocked when I told him everything and I was wondering if it was the best decision in telling him. I contemplated the entire bus ride home and I wanted to fix things with him so what choice did I have? I needed to tell him and I couldn't exactly tell Xanthe; she would probably kill Liam for loving another friend of hers. And besides, I didn't know if it was true or not.

I couldn't love Liam like I loved Mason. They were completely different people with different lives. Mason was determined, headstrong and he had a lot of faith. He wasn't like Liam, who didn't care about school, who smoked and who liked to break the rules. If Mason came running through my bedroom door, then I would take him back with no hesitation. I knew that wasn't happening, but it wouldn't be fair to love anyone else.

I didn't love Liam, I knew that for certain.

Although, Liam did say that he wasn't in love with me. I was fine with that; I didn't love him either. That would have been a disaster and I would probably go home after that. I was still completely in love with Mason and I didn't know how to move on from him. In a few days, it would be exactly a year since Mason had died. I knew it had been quite some time for grieving and moving on, but how was I supposed to? Mason was the love of my life, my husband and the person I was meant to spend my life with.

And it was all gone in the blink of an eye.

*

I hated having school on the day I lost Mason to heart failure exactly a year ago. I didn't exactly want to be crying the whole day and I wasn't sure if I could keep it in. Holding in tears and trying not to cry was really hard and lately, I had gotten terrible at it. I had already started my day by crying and I didn't want anybody to know. But maybe holding it in was the worst thing to do and how could I hold it in when Liam was always around me?

Liam knocked on my door and came in. "Hey, are you ready? I'm driving today." He said with a smile.

I wiped my eyes, facing away from him as I took a breath. "Yeah, I'll be down in a minute." I said to him. He left and I wiped my eyes again, the tears slowly falling freely down my cheeks. I sighed and went to school anyway with Liam driving. Xanthe and Liam were having a full on conversation whilst I was looking out the window sadly and looking up at the sky.

Once we arrived at school, I knew that English was my first subject. I was hoping the day of Mason's death would start an easy subject like a study period. Liam was in my English class so I knew I wouldn't get a chance to think. English seemed to go by very slowly and I was hardly paying any attention, luckily I didn't get called on.

When English finished, I rushed out the classroom. I didn't even wait for Liam; I needed to get to a bathroom so I could let it all out and cry by myself. But I didn't get that chance as Liam caught up with me and spun me around to see my tear stained face.

"Lou," he said softly, "what's going on?" And when I didn't say anything, Liam dragged me away as the second bell rang and we ended up in a janitor's closet. It was dark and it smelt like cleaning supplies, but I didn't care. "Tell me why you're crying." Liam touched my arm softly, it sent shivers up my spine.

I swallowed, wiping my eyes. "M-Mason."

He nodded. "I understand, but what about him that's making you so upset all of a sudden?"

I took another breath and took off my glasses because they were getting dirty. "Today is the day of Mason's anniversary. He died one year ago today." Instantly, I felt arms wrap tightly around me. Liam pulled me in and stroked my hair and I cried into his chest, letting my emotions out and making me vulnerable. "How am I supposed to do this day?" I cried even harder.