((delete n domt read bc writing at 12:33am will not produce good content))
Tuesdays are for letting go.
Pale legs innocently swing. White knuckles clutch rusted, chipped green metal bars. Oblivious trickles of water below and whistles of wind above break the deadly silence swallowing the bridge. As time drawls on the dainty grip becomes looser and looser and looser till suddenly, once again, tightening securing the dainty figures balance.
Joonmyeon let's out a frustrated sigh, consequently creating a cloud of air due to the cold nip of the late winter Tuesday. Well it was nearly spring in his books but, that's Korean climate for you.
Let go.
Joonmyeon remembers times he's let go, at parties, having one too many a drink or even that one time he snuck into the local race kart track late at night with his boisterous friend Jongin. But this time Joonmyeon cannot bring himself to do it. Whilst perched securely on the ledge of the old city bridge, Joonmyeon cannot find himself able to let go.
This has occurred almost as a pattern the past three times he's sat on this familiar metal bar. He can't quite figure out what is stopping him, he has nothing to lose. Perhaps Sehun would miss him, he had looked up to him like an older brother, including copying missing homework; although like the rest of his friends he was sure he'd get over it as time passed. His parents would mourn as all would but being as wealthy and rich as they were they had little time for Joonmyeon especially in the shadow of his oh-so-astounding older brother who just so happened to be better than Joonmyeon in every way he could think; they too would overcome the event.
Nothing to lose. No particular reason to do so. So why not. Just let go.
Joonmyeon found himself paralyzed, mentally and physically. He was stuck. His life was due to go nowhere and now his body could move nowhere either. He found himself unable to leap forward nor retreat back so yet again he sat in the crisp air and contemplated the dead end mess that is his life.
"Are you gonna jump or what?" Joonmyeon had only contemplated jumping again tonight but he sure jumped out of his skin so they say when an unfamiliar voice echoed from the other side of what he had thought was a empty, unused bridge. Apparently he was wrong. Apparently this young boy too took strolls around abandoned streets late at night. One look at this figures smiling face and Joonmyeon was instantly jealous. As he approached closer, Joonmyeon noticed his smile reached his eyes, Joonmyeon's could no longer do that; he saw that it was genuine not a fake, mirror practised one as Joonmyeons'. And he envied that.
Yet something about this boys features told Joonmyeon to look past his foolish envy and to perhaps trust someone, his eyes invited confidence and confidentiality without demanding so. The strangers forehead crinkled in concentration as he looked to recall a thought before stating:
"You've sat on this bridge every Tuesday for the past few weeks, you've always seemed like you want to jump yet..you don't." Joonmyeon was taken aback.
"So obviously there's no need for me to talk you out of this but I can talk to you about this if you'd like. You seem like you need to, trust me...I know." A hand reached out as another eye reaching smile replaced the strangers crinkles of concentration. Joonmyeon noted that this man was fairly handsome and of that he was appreciative, he also took in that the strangers handsome completion is much more admirable with a smile to a frown. Joonmyeon clasped his pale hand into the strangers slightly darker one,
"Jongdae"
And with a slight shake of hands,
"Joonmyeon"
Eventually trailed from Joonmyeons awfully dry throat.
He watched the boy pull a box from his coat pocket and under the dim streetlight Joonmyeon could make out it was a cigarette packet. A small flickering flame placed by Jongdaes lips confirmed this was indeed a cigarette, Joonmyeon let his eyes linger on the other boys lips for a moment too long before concluding they were very nice lips. He didn't know if it was the rush from being sat on the edge of a bridge or if he was finally breaking out of his comfort zone, but Joonmyeon decided that he'd very much like to kiss those lips if he ever had the oppotunity. As his eyes followed the puff of cigarette smoke out into the evening air and flickered back to Jongdaes' mouth, Joonmyeon noticed his mouth had curved into a smirk causing Joonmyeon to flush red, being caught staring for a moment too long.
"It's fine, stare all you want. A picture will definatley last longer than me though." Jongdae remarked, his smirk faltered as the sentence went on, and Joonmyeon did not miss this. He gave Jongdae a questioning look and he carried on,
"Lung cancer's a pain in the ass. It's in my genes, I was destined to get it wether I smoke or not so, I carry on why not right? I need to thank my grandpa for this sweet little gift hey." Jongdae let out a sour chuckle. "Don't feel sorry for me, that's the last thing I want. I've done it all in my short life time already, with my dad in the navy, being stationed around the world, I've seen it all. A bit of treatment here and there is buying me extra time and who knows, maybe it'll clear up..but everyone doubts it, including me."
"How are you so calm about this though?" Inquired Joonmyeon.
"Everyones wish before they die is to travel, to see the world. I've done that, I have a few ends to tie up but then I'm all good. And hopefully tying up the lose knots will get me into a good place wherever we end up next, right?" said Jongdae a playfully tone to his depressing remark. "I think that's why you can't do it."
Joonmyeon raised an eyebrow, "What do you mean?"
"You're eyes, you've seen so little, not experienced enough. That's why you can't end your life, you haven't seen it all, there's still so much for you to do and it's what's holding you back isn't it?" Joonmyeon pondered over this statement before nodding ever so slowly, it was true he hadn't seen the world, not like he wanted too.
"Well let me show you a few places then, I do know it all." said Jongdae with a cocky grin on his face. "It'll change the way you see the world, you won't be back here for as long as I can help it, trust me."
"Alright then, show me all you know, 'oh great one'." replied Joonmyeon with a laugh.
