"Sat in the corner of the room, everything's reminding me of you. Nursing an empty bottle, and telling myself you're happier aren't you?"
I woke up to Cal who was cuddling me extremely tight. I knew he was a deep sleeper so I took his arms off of me, still delicately.
I looked at him and thought about the night before. I wished it was just a dream, well nightmare, but it was all real. I had sex with my best friend, Callum Airey. Why? I just wanted to be happy, like Vik. Do I even know that he is happy?
I walked out of the room and into my room. I got dressed in some random clothing that I had inside of my wardrobe. I put on all my clothing and then looked myself in the mirror. God was I mess. My eyes were puffy, but somehow sunken in. My lips were swollen from the recent occurrence. My hair was an absolute mess in which I decided to put on a cap to cover it up.
I walked out of my room and down the hall. All the way to the kitchen where I grabbed my phone and keys and left the apartment. It was only eight in the morning and I knew exactly what I needed, alcohol.
I walked down to the closest bar I knew, in which was the same exact one where Sarah performed the night before. I walked inside noticing that it was really only the alcoholics and manic depressive people drinking. I didn't mind. I practically fitted in with all of them.
"Whatever is the strongest you got." I said as the bartender nodded getting me my drink of god only knows what.
I started to hear a song go off, Gasoline by Troye Sivan. Just the perfect song.
I smell heartbreak on my hands
I feel sick to my stomach as I begin to stand
I see your outline in my bed
In the same spot I watched him rest his head
I've done you wrong, I regret it
I write this song, tryin' to forget it
I feel this emptiness in my chest
It feels surreal, but I'm feeling stressed
I need to do something
I fucked up, for nothing
Now I gotta just tell someone
Tell someone what I've done
I thought about everything that happened last night. Every fuck up that I made. From telling Cal that I wanted to be with him, to not pulling away when he kissed me, all the way to getting into bed with him. What was I thinking? I know, happiness. That's all I want. But the only one who gives me that is Vik.
Please bathe me now, wash me clean
Just set my heart on fire
Like gasoline
Bathe me now, wash me clean
Just set my heart on fire
Like gasoline
Oh no, like gasoline
I just wanted to be kissed, to be held by Vik once more. But now I severely fucked up everything. Not even the drinks that poured down my throat could stop my suffering.
I wake up, the morning after
You call but I don't answer
And I can't look you in the eye
No matter how hard I try
You deserve a forever
Not a boy looking for better
But as long as you're still here
I'll try to keep you near
"Can I have your strongest?" I heard someone say next to me.
I could tell who's voice that was from a mile a way. It was Vik, but how, why?
I looked over and there he was, drinking the same drink as me. Listening to the same song as me. Looking the same look I had on my face. But why? I thought he was happy?
Please bathe me now, wash me clean
Just set my heart on fire
Like gasoline
Bathe me now yeah, wash me clean
Just set my heart on fire
Like gasoline
Please bathe me now, wash me clean
Just set my heart on fire
Like gasoline
Bathe me now yeah, wash me clean
Just set my heart on fire
Like gasoline
Bathe me now, wash me clean
Just set my heart on fire
Just like gasoline
The song had ended and all I wanted to do was say something to him, but I couldn't comprehend what to say. What was he doing here? Did he feel the same way as me? Or am I just imagining all of this? It can't be.
"Harry?" I heard him say as I looked up and over to see him.
I nodded my head as he just started to blush. He then looked down at his drink. He didn't mean to say that. He always does that when he doesn't mean to say what he says.
"What are you doing here?" I asked as he looked back up at me and just shrugged his shoulders.
"Life, I don't know." He said as I nodded my head.
"Yeah, looks like we are in the same boat." I said as we both laughed at ourselves.
He then moved over to sit right next to me. We both stopped drinking and just looked at each other. God did I miss those deep brown eyes and his soft tanned skin. He was gorgeous, he was perfection.
"What actually happened?" I asked as he just looked down.
I grabbed his chin making him look up at me. He gave me a genuine smile, something I haven't seen from him in a while. I missed him, but I couldn't tell if he missed me.
"I shouldn't be talking to you about this Harry, I shouldn't even be here right now..with you." He said as I smiled a little.
"But you are." I said as he just shrugged his shoulders.
"I know, that's the problem. Somehow I'm always finding my way back to you. When I want to or not." He said as I smiled so much.
"Why is that a problem?" I asked somewhat flirtatiously.
"Stop that. I hate when you do that." He said as I just laughed and he laughed with me.
"But you do also miss it." I said as he laughed some more.
It felt just like old times, so perfect, so right. But I somehow knew it wasn't going to last.
"I should get going. Lachlan is probably worried sick about me." He said as I nodded my head.
My once humongous smile, turned into a frown.
"You guys live together now?" I asked as he shrugged his shoulders.
"Not really, he just keeps coming over and asks to stay the night." He said as I furrowed my brows.
"You sound upset about that." I said almost doing a psychoanalysis of their relationship.
"See, this is why I can't do this with you. Bye Harry." He said as he walked off.
He looked behind and smiled a weak smile. Leaving the bar and my with my bottle of whatever, all on my own.
