It's a rainy afternoon in Los Angeles and I am home alone, as always. My husband Lindsey is at work at the moment; he owns his own music store where he sells all kinds of instruments, cds, records, and he even offers music lessons to any one who wants to learn how to play an instrument.
I used to teach vocal lessons there and help Lindsey out but now I just stay home and I am a housewife. I cook, clean the house, do laundry and whatever else that needs to be done. I also love to draw and paint as a hobby and of course I love to write.
I sigh and look around my bedroom; the house is clean and there isn't anything else to be done. I sit by the window watching the rain come down. It's soothing to me. I love the sound of the rain drops hitting against the window.
Depression consumes me once more and I let my tears fall. Depression has been a constant presence in my life since my first miscarriage. Lindsey and I have been married for twenty five years and I have yet to give him a child. I've had five miscarriages in total and each time is just as painful. I think Lindsey blames me for losing our babies. I'm forty seven years old now and I think my time to give Lindsey a child is coming to an end. I'm starting to think, maybe, it just wasn't meant to be.
Our marriage is very strained and I try my hardest each day to make Lindsey fall in love with me again. I work hard to be the best wife I can be. But as of now, it hasn't worked. He pushes me away each time and it hurts me each time as well.
I'm at a loss of what to do to save my marriage. Well, I know what will but, Lindsey hasn't touched me intimately in over a year. The only time he puts his hands on me is when he is hitting me. I know I shouldn't let him hit me but, I sometimes think that maybe I deserve it.
I lose myself in my own world of a time when Lindsey and I were happy that I don't even hear Lindsey come into the bedroom.
"Stevie! Where the hell is my dinner?!" Lindsey's voice booms from the doorway.
I gasp and stand quickly looking at the time. Oh no, it's after 6. I usually have dinner ready by the time Lindsey comes home.
I see him walk towards me and I know what's coming. He roughly grabs me and I feel the sting on my cheek where Lindsey just slapped me. I can tell he has already been drinking. I can smell the alcohol on him. I sob and he releases me. "Go to the damn kitchen and make my dinner now! What the hell have been doing all day!? God you are worthless!"
I stumble downstairs and into the kitchen. I quickly get to work on Lindsey's dinner. As I cook, I pray that things will get better. I pray that somehow I will finally have a baby. That's all I want most in this world is to become a mother. Gosh, Lindsey is right, I am worthless.
I hope you all liked this first chapter to this story. Now, I don't how but this idea popped into my head and I just went with it. I'm not sure where I will take this story. Plus, this is a new way of writing for me. I have never tried to write through the characters eyes so, I hope I do a good job.
Please let me know what you all think!
