You Are Not Alone///Evak

Chapter 5

Isak

I'm gunna do it! I'm gunna call him. I'm gunna call him and tell him that I love him and that I want him back and that I miss him and that I hope he is alright.

I look at the contact of 'Even Kosegruppa' and gather up all my courage and bravery and hope and what ever I can find to push the call button. I stand there in the middle of my room and wait for my thumb to push it. I can't do it right away, though. I place the phone on my chest and look up to my ceiling imagining if there was a god, that he would help me with what ever power he has to make Even answer back if I were to call him, which I am, DON'T PRESSURE ME!

I look back at my phone and stare at the call button. My thumb hovers over it with as much power to just push it, to simply just pu... My thumb pressed it. I stand there with amazement that I actually pressed it. That's when I realized that I didn't even prepare a speech or anything.

I hesitantly raise the phone to my ear and hear it ringing. With every beep my heart races more and more.

I feel anxiety take over as I wait for his familiar voice. I close my eyes and my stomach makes butterflies as the beeping continues. My eyes grow with red as I open them waiting for both tears in my eyes and for Even to FUCKING PICK UP HIS GOD DAMN PHO... I hear the voicemail lady telling me to leave a message. I slowly put down the phone as I search around the room looking for no particular item. My eyes water and my throat makes lumps.

I stare at my blank phone wondering what just happened. He didn't pick up. He usually calls right away at least one beep and he is on. I look down at my phone to see if there was a message or anything. Nope. I slowly put my phone at my side and stare at my blank wall across from my bed. I look over at my door for a split second when I hear ringing and vibrating. I quickly raise it up and see... that my dad was calling me. I stare at my phone. I gulp and look at the corner where the door frame meets the wall. I look back at my phone and stare at it some more. I quickly press it and put it up to my ear like routine.

"Hi." I say, sounding emotionless.

"Hi, Isak." dad says, with his usual happy tone. "Hey you."

"Hi" I say again.

"How..." my dad starts. "I just wanted to make sure that you're coming on Friday?"

I completely forgot about the thing at the church. I looked at the floor.

"Yeah, I'll be there." I said, emotionless again. "When..."

"That's good," dad says.

I continue. "When does it start?"

He answers quickly. "Eight thirty,"

I look at nothing in particular and sigh with a sigh that means I'm forced to go somewhere I don't really want to go.

"Yeah," I say to make the silence not silent.

"But hey, uh..." dad starts, "How nice that you've got a boyfriend."

My heart beats sadly as my body is trembling with the thought of my boyf... ex. At least, I think we are still together. Maybe we are on a break or something, yeah, we are on a break. But something told me right then and there that I shouldn't say that.

"Yeah, it was-" I start with a raspy voice from holding back the tears I didn't know I had. "It was just a joke" I finish with a quick blink to get the tears to fuck off.

"Yeah..." dad says, un sure of what to say next. "Ok," He simply says.

My eyes are really red and I have this urge to take back what I said.

"But then I'll see you on Friday, Isak" He says with a tone I didn't know he could make. It was kind of a disappointing tone but I wasn't sure.

"I'm looking forward to seeing you." He finishes.

My eyes are wide open and my mouth is opened not believing what was happening. I have never really understood what was going on in situations like this but I wanted to say something else so it didn't seem like I was a jackass or something.

"And mom too," He adds.

I feel like I need to come clean, what the fuck am I doing?

"Yeah," dad keeps repeating. "Yeah,"

Silence met our conversation for a split second until he said one more thing.

"Ok, good," He finished

"Dad?" I say, with a little bit of emotion.

"Yes?" He says.

"It wasn't a joke," I hesitate. "It's just over."

My eyes water with the words that are coming out of my mouth.

"Ok," dad says, with an unknown emotional tone.

"So..." I pause. "Yeah,"

Silence takes over the conversation. I don't want to keep talking. I want to lay on my bed and scream into a pillow.

"But is that..." dad starts. "Was that... Are you upset that, or is it?" He rambles on.

It was on cue that when I said no, a tear comes down my face. I let it fall.

"It's ok," I say.

"Ok," dad says.

I blink I don't know how many times to try and stop the tears, but they just won't go away. One more tear comes down my face the same path the other one went down.

"Um, good," dad says.

I wipe the tears away.

"Yeah," I keep saying. "Yeah,"

"Then I'll see you-" he starts.

"Bye," I cut him off. "Bye."

I hang up wiping my tears away and stepping back a little as I do. I sniffle and that's when I hear that my nose is full. I swallow, and look up trying so hard to keep the tears away. I can tell my face is red and my eyes are red cause I can feel a hot and stinging feeling all over my face. I breathe nice and slow. I have to keep myself together.