Bottled Up

£3

Seems like every time I feel like I'm going to a better place... Something just pulls me back.

Pulls me back to hurt more.

Pulls me back from somewhere I'd rather be.

Sometimes I feel like I'd rather just make sure I get to that other place.

A guarantee.

Somehow make sure I never have to come back to the hurt.

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When one door of happiness closes, another opens; but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one which has been opened for us.

-Helen Keller

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Once I had woke up from my nightmare, he was there. Just watching me. Watching me like my daddy had when I'd get scared and have him look out for the monsters while I slept. Like he would protect me from harm.

I didn't know whether to be scared or happy. It's not like I would feel either. I was too numb for anything. Physically and emotionally. While he looked at me, I stared back. I couldn't form any words and I had cotton mouth. It was like I had slept for weeks.

The only thing that was heard in the room was the beeping of the machine. That's it. Finally he got up and headed for the door. I don't know why but I just started crying. Everything that I felt and held in since I got to the foster home came out. I cried for my losses; my mommy and daddy. I cried. I rolled back over and tried to go back to sleep. I didn't know what was going to happen.

"Please no...! I don't wanna go! Just leave me here. I promise that I'll be good! I won't do any bad things. I swear!!" I continued to scream the same thing over and over. He picked me up and tossed me into the hole in the ground.

"No, please! Get me out of here! Let me go please!" I tried clawing my way out of the dirt, but more dirt crumbled into the hole. Soon there was dirt pouring in from all sides.

"Let me out! LET ME OUT! Pleeeeeaaaasssse!" I screamed at the top of my lungs. I screamed until my throat ached, but dirt continued to fill. Nothing was going to stop it. I tried clawing so I could get out but the results were the same from the first time. Dirt was being thrown on my head and it was now up to my neck. I was gonna die today. As it got to my chin and continued to fill up, I cried. That's all I could do. In the blink of an eye,MIT was over my head. I tried taking breaths through the dirt, tried clawing the dirt from my mouth. The more I clawed, the more dirt came into my mouth. I couldn't breathe.