the splits

that day.

i was breathing heavy. i was on such a high. addrenalin rushes through my body. i was panting, gasping for breath. i took one last curtsy, and left the eyeline of 10,000 faces. backstage, people were pulling my clothes off, wrapping a dressing gown arounf me, feeding me water, congratulating me on my amazing performance. handing me money, gifts, flowers that had all been thrown on stage for me. this was all irrelevent. i wanted a hug from my bestfriend. because that opinion was the only one that matters. i swipped my forhead with a sweat cloth, i pulled my tighhts off and put on slippers. i raced around the front to the VIP section. i hugged my bestfriend. " im so proiud of you" thats all i needed to hear to be satisfied. just those words made all the c ountyless hours in the studio worth ut. not tghe money, not the pictures, this approvel, from one very special person. i had an arm placed on my shoulder, and "lets get mcdonalds" in my ear. 

the next morning i woke up at 5, and my body was aching more than ever. i showered, put my damp hair into a neat ballet bun, and picked out my favourite leotard. i skipped downstairs, and ate greek yoghurt with bannana for breakfast. within an hour, i was at the studio. i said hello to my receptionist at the enterence to my home,  i put on my favourite track and started stretching.i started with mobilisation, i then proceded to lower body focus. i put my right foot in front of my left, and slide down into the spilts. beised stretchin, i didnt prepare myself for this, emotionally. i didnt hesitate because i know i was capable of doing the spilts easily. 

be legs sent immediate pain through my body. agony. i screamed so loud. my security and my receptionist, personal trainer all flooded into the room. the guided my up, i was crying in pain. they got my ice pack out of my locker, placed it on my hips. they pulled of my leotard and started applying cream to my hips. soon after, and ambulence came, i remmeber being injected with something in  both hips, and crying for my bestfriend. 

i woke up and i was in a hospital bed. there was camera crews outisde my room. youd think as a private VIP hospital, theyd have better security, right? i was alone. all by my self. well, as alone a person with 3 body guards could ever get.  i had a drip in my arm, and therewas a bag of blood attatched to each of my hips. my brain froze i swear. i couldnt think of anythign, until a doctor burst in. she immediately started asking me what have i decidced. i had no lcue what she was talking about. "pardon" i asked. 

she sat next to me and started explining my options. she told be that i have some conditojn, that i cant remmeber what its called even if my life depended on it. 

an hour later, i still hadnt decided. there was no good option. i was clueless as of what to do. the possiblibyies i was considering to continur dancing was enough to keep me out of heaven. theres no way i could stop dancing. the dance floor is alcohol, and i needed to get drunk. 

".... and would be low chances of a natural birth, should you chose to have children" she just goes on and on. why couldnt she tell me id wake up and its all be over with. 

my options were; carry on dancing, but face the posibilty of never being able to walk again, with frequent injections, and potentioal surgery. 

OR, stop dancing but i couldnt stop because i would just die. 

dancing is my happiness, i cant take that away from myself, can i? ive always told myself i would carry on until i physically couldnt anymore so why was i even considering. 

everywhere there was reminders, even in the carm all i was thinking, "oh i danced to this song like 3 years agp!" i couldnt stop thinking about it.