Through her quiet eyes

New Moon 1 • Restart •

Today is a new start, new beginning, new life, new year, and a new goal to achieve. It's New Years, and right now I'm currently debating on if I should go out tonight and get drunk, or stay home, drink hot coco and eat Twinkies wrapped up in millions of blankets in front of the TV and watch the next episode of The Bold Type.

*Leans back on the couch, folding arms behind head, thinks about it while looking up at the cracks of the brick studio ceiling and then throws myself out of potion sitting upright*

"Nooope, staying home. I'd rather get fat than drunk and not know how to get back home in one piece. I could be kidnap, forget it!!." I overly exaggerated to myself while, slapping my left hand on the couch to help me stand up , looking through the big studio window with nothing but a big white T-shirt on, white high calf socks, long wavy black hair in a stupid but cute bun and half crossed arms holding a glass of grape juice in my right.

"Hmm,"

*smirks a little*

"I wounder if I'm on his mind as much as he's on mine" I said, letting my eyes fall looking to the side. Her cat gracefully prances his way onto the window ledge that Ferrah was standing in front of, breaking the sad moment she was falling into again. Curling his tail around her side curvy hip and around her hand pressuring her to scratch his butt. "I doubt it, but oh well, you're the only man I need, the only man in charge of this kingdom." Ferrah unleashing the half truth while rubbing Yankee taking another single sip looking far and deep out of the lonely cold window.

*Turns head looking over her shoulder at the remote laying on the coffee table, lazily slides over not lifting a single toe off the ground with her slippers on, bending over to reach with a soft grip on the remote and flicks on the TV*

" Ya'll n****s better wake up and realize what type of girl y'all got before you wake up and gotta realize what type of girl y'all lost" A blunt, honest, and beautiful black women explained on a random BET channel. "Heck yeahh! But can't overly exaggerate on guys now, us girls mess up too. It's both side to the story." Ferrah agreed and argued while tilting her glass of grape juice up like Gatsby tilting his glass up towards Nick at his glorious party's, then taking another single sip. I feel so much at times, really deep down that it is difficult for me to feel anything at all. It is both a blessing and a curse to feel everything run through your veins, like a speedy highway, around 2:34 am when you feel the wide an wild energy so deeply, makes you crave the darkness. Rolling the car window down, feeling the wind brush through your hair, freeing each single strand from past damage. Relaxing your mind, let the wild lonely night make the thoughtful decisions that need to be made. Make gold out of the pain the world has unleashed upon you, do this, and you'll see nothing more beautiful and pure than that.

Things happen in this world that is either blamed for karma, or what others will say God has set for you. I say it's whatever you put out, you get. For the past year, I've been really trying to set things straight with myself and others. For the past year, I was struggling to be myself without embarrassing myself. The looks and lack of interest I got from people during this process of collecting myself, really made me realize who was really down for me, and who wasn't.