I always feel like im everyones second choice. Like if they had to chose between me and someone else, no matter how much they dislike the other person, they will always choose them over me. People dont think I notice the glances when I walk in the room or how they stop laughing. I dont understand. I try to be nice, I make jokes and get them to laugh, I am supportive to them and yet they still have me as a rebound. My best friends have other bestfriends who they prefer and that makes me feel horrible. I try to get their jokes but when I ask about it they say 'Forget about it' or 'You wouldnt understand'. Maybe I would, if they just explained it to me. For once I want someone to choose me over someone else, for someone to like me, prefer me. Is that too much to ask? Is it to much to ask to feel accepted or liked or loved even? I know that my parents have favourites and Im far from being even close to a candidate. All I hear is 'Oh look what you sister did! All by herself!' She's two years younger than me. I do what she does, better even, and they brush it off like its no big deal. When I complain to my so called 'friends' about it they are like 'Oh its because shes younger and so shes more important'. I was doing those things when I was younger than her, I dont understand the big deal. It's so important when someone else does it but as soon as I do it, it doesn't matter anymore or I'm just bothering them.
People automatically think that Im happy or that Im okay. I always have to put up a mask, wear a smiling face because I know no one would care if I showed how I really felt. They would just feel bothered and ignore me anyway. There's no point in trying, No point in caring. I hate myself and I can't change no matter how hard I try... If only I was someone different.
I wish I was someone else. I wish I was someone new. But there isn't anything I can do.
