Removed

05

The pencil dances across the paper, the light breeze ruffling the pages. Writing soothes my rigid nerves, filtering all my woes and inner turmoil onto a blank, white page. I take a quick break from the poem I've been scribbling in my writing journal, allowing it to slap closed. Legs crossed and hair flying, I sit with my back against the wall to the school.

Currently, it's lunch. However, my appetite has been whisked away by worries and an important decision I realize I need to make. My gaze lingers on the mostly vacant parking before shifting back to my writing journal. Not many people choose to write on crisp sheets anymore. Paper has been replaced by technology; computers, watches, and digital notebooks. Still, I prefer a journal and a pencil to a screen that can be accessed by anyone. Nothing's private in this society anymore.

Glancing back down at my journal, I realize my poem is, once again, centered around raw emotions bubbled inside me. This time, the emotions are different. Usually, I'll idly write about what has me down or scratching my head at that given moment. This time, I inadvertently focused on emotions that have been brewing for a while now.

We were best friends.

Smiles, laughter, joy.

Then, here came the popular crowd.

Cautious smiles, less laughter, lingering joy.

Forgotten. That's what I was.

New friends? No.

Kaylee was the only one to be trusted.

How could I trust again?

I wasn't like anyone else,

They all had their own groups.

Tears, pain, heartache.

Ash died. I was ignored.

I stare down at the smooth paper that seems to glare at me. Memories tumble back, forcing tears to prick my eyes. Vividly, I recall pain; heart-wrenching pain. Tears soaking white linen pillow cases. Ash, walking in and staring, eyes full of sympathy. Arms wrapped around me, telling me it was okay. I could let it out, Kaylee wasn't a true friend if she would just dump me like that.

"Never trust anyone, Hurricane," Ash whispered. We were huddled in the back of the salon late one winter night. She seemed extra alert, eyes pricked and eyes darting about. "Me, you can trust, but no one else."

"Why?" My thirteen-year-old self queried, a steaming mug of hot chocolate clutched between shaking hands. My eyes were wide, full of fear and question.

She shook her head, slipping a small smile onto her face. "It doesn't matter. You have me, okay? You trust me, right?"

I slowly nodded. "This girl who sits next to me in math wanted to be friends. She seemed really-"

"No!" My cousin suddenly snapped, her eyes a fiery emerald storm. She clutched her mug tightly, the sleeves of her sweater covering her palms. "No one. Do you understand me, Autumn?"

Slowly, I nodded, though I was still perplexed. She only called me Autumn when she was totally and utterly serious. Her solemn expression and steely gaze doubled the emphasis of my name.

Clutching the journal tightly, I shake my head. What's done is done. I'm invisible, I just have to deal with it. But I want someone to notice me. That girl in math noticed me. She'd flash me bright smiles and amiably chat with me. After Kaylee became a permanent part of her popular squad, no one noticed me again. No doubt her so called friends spread rumors, slowly crushing my reputation.